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Never Ending Winter

The winter seems to be never ending this year, but I’ve got hope with the past few warm days that winter is about to end in time for a nice spring.

Mother Nature has definantly gone into Menopause this last bit of winter.  We are warm and nice one day, but then the next we are back into cold and snow or just cold, but guess what :), I really don’t care.  I love how the weather is and such.  It’s nice to be so unpredictable lots of times, cause by the time summer gets here people are going to be wanting fall and winter to come sooner then later.  The temps here in the summer depends on what mother nature will do.  We are usually in the 80s or 90s in the summer with very little moisture, but hey that’s what nature is like.  You are suppose to be unpredictable and hint at things to come. :)

Today we had snow, while the past two days have been warm and windy and in the 60s and 70s, today snow and in the 30s and 40s :).  It’s been cloudy all day and will continue to be, we even have more snow possibly tonight, but it ain’t going to be much :).

Ahh nature what a wonderful thing :).  Enjoy the hints of the coming seasons, because if you don’t you’ll regret it :).

 

Friends

You know ever since facebook came out it’s been very popular, and I discovered I had way more friends then I thought in high school and those I went to school with.  It’s amazing how you find out some things like that, but I also found out that some people that didn’t accept my friendship were the same ones who didn’t like me in high school and bullied me and still don’t want to be friends with me, but you know what.  I honestly don’t care much on that end any more.  It’s their life and that’s who they will forever be.

I did however ask a question of my friends and classmates why they remained where they were or where they moved to and the answers so far are pretty great.  I miss my friends, but you know, I can at least keep in some what contact with them and enjoy their life moments and their reasons behind why they stayed or moved :).  I like learning about my friends lives and what not.  It makes me feel great that everyone is having a wonderful life.

To all my friends and family over on facebook thank you for being there for me at times and keeping me up to date to the best of ya’ll’s abilities :).  I hope ya’ll’s lives continue to be wonderful and beautiful :).

Growing Up

As I sit here in front of my computer, and look through Facebook.  I notice some things about my life as I was growing up.  The main thought is, Why was I picked on while growing up?

I have no answer to this, cause seriously, from the time I started school until I graduated high school, I was always picked on and made fun of.  I never in my life from Daycare days to graduating high school, NEVER picked on anyone at all.  I never called any of my classmates names, and I never picked on them.  I was always smiling and telling people good luck and best wishes and everything, yet some of my classmates picked on me and called me names.

Back then I never really let people know that I was hurting inside and such cause of all the picking on and name calling me they did.  I finally shut down in high school and just tried my best to ignore the hurt and pain I was feeling as they continued to pick on me and such.  My life growing up, at least through school, was hard, very hard on me.  I had very and I mean VERY few friends, cause all the others that picked on me never really became my friends.  I’m a friendly person at least until someone pushes the right buttons and I get pissed off then, but I never once went off on any of the ones picking on me while in school.

I knew though that it would be my luck that if I did, I’d be the one most likely to be suspended or something, but I honestly don’t know for sure if that would have happened, but I avoided causing any problems cause I know it could get me in trouble.  I was paddled in middle school, and I honestly don’t remember why that even happened, but after that nothing, but I was still being picked on.  So basically I just shut myself down in high school and tried to mainly concentrate on my band, working in the library, and my other classes.  I still barely passed in many of my classes, but at least I did pass and I did graduate.  I felt finally FREE of the harassment and the picking on and name calling.  I went to college graduated from one, that shut down, but didn’t graduate from the other, just cause I couldn’t afford it any more and I had gotten really sick and I felt my health was better then the stress.  I thankfully was never made fun of or talked about or picked on in college or at least I don’t think I was and if I was they kept it out of my hearing and such.

Anyways, most of my pain and hurt and anger I was feeling, I’d put into over 300+ poems.  I’d wrote them and then put them on computer and sadly I lost ALL of them and my 3 stories I’d written in a major HD Crash and it was unrecoverable.  It sucked that I’d lost years up on years of writing and was unable to recover the stuff.  I will never get over losing that stuff, but at least from time to time I still try to write when I can.  I have a better life now then I did back then.  I’m with the man I love very much and living with him.  He tries his best to keep me happy and that is often, but then there are times like this or other times that my past slips in and causes a depression, but thankfully that depression doesn’t happen long, cause of the GREAT friends I have now.  I also live in the beautiful state of Colorado and the mountains and country side here are always breathtaking.  I no longer live in Arkansas where my old life was, I was able to get my dad back up to Illinois to live with his family, so I wouldn’t have to worry so much about him any more.

My mom is fine and also lives in Illinois along with my stepfather.  My brother well, not much I have to say about him, I just want him to be happy and no where near me.  I love him yes but we tend to get along better when we are separated and apart.  It’s for the best this way and only seeing each other every now and then.  We were always fighting and that just made me feel even worse as I was growing up, so combining that with the picking on and name calling at school, I was never stress free.  I was always stressed out to the point that I would literally walk home from school after school is let out.  I would take long walks just to think or cry or whatever before I got home.  I was always walking around Arkadelphia and continued to do walking when I could before my health got really bad.

Hell I remember the days when I could do a lot of swimming, biking, walking, hiking and more.  I remember hiking up and down West Mountain and Hot Springs Mountain.  I remember swimming in Degray Lake and other places.  I remember riding my bike all over the place, down to my aunt’s or cousins or something, just to get away from the every day stress of life.  It was the only way I could feel free and think or even work out my frustrations.

Sadly now a days, since my health is as it is, I can’t really do that much any more.  I have to get on Xbox or some other computer game to kill or shot things or something to work out my frustration and sometimes that’s not even wise, especially on Xbox.  Other players out there start shit talking and it pisses me off, especially when they are shit talking and picking on my friends that I’m playing with.  I now tell them what for.  I find it funny, but then I start noticing I’m just getting ticked off more and my blood pressure goes up.  I am much better off when I’m in a party chat cause then I don’t have to hear what the others are saying and I keep my cool until I’ve been playing to long and I start getting mad even in party chat. Lol that’s when I know it’s time to call it quits for the night or day depending on what time it is, mostly night.

I do however still write when I need to and such, though it’s not often.  I usually just go lie down and go to sleep.

Well I don’t have much else to say, so I’m going to end this post here. I feel a lot better typing this out and posting it.  :)

Ok i recently played on ghost for my xbox 360 about a week or so ago now, and I got pissed off at some people and they STARTED it so I cussed them out and such.  It wasn’t even at other clan members, but apparently someone made a copy of Kronos’ video that involved it and edited it out some things.

I watched the video and I find it funny as hell, but I think some of our former clan members took offense and I say this.  I stood back for so long of my life and never really defended myself back in high school when I was bullied and made fun of.  I just let it happen, well guess what people, I’ve grown up and I will no longer stand back and let people walk all over me.  When people piss me off I DO NOT MINCE WORDS and tell them what for.  Many of the people in the clan I play with know how I am and shouldn’t complain about it.

Some have left so what, don’t care they just need to get over it.

I know longer play ghost or any call of duty games any more, cause I’ve gotten tired of the trash talkers, the modders, the cheaters and the hackers.  They’ve ruined those games for me now.  If I ever do play Ghost again it’ll be on my XBox One, but even that’s iffy right now.  The games I’ll be getting for my xbone will be Battlefield 4, Destiny and then last COD: Ghosts.

Once I get my xbone, don’t expect to see me much on my 360 and the only time I would be getting on my 360 will be to play GTA 5.

Anyways, I’m done ranting and raving about things.  I’m getting off here for the night so good night and sleep well, and I hope everyone has a great day tomorrow.

Hot and DRY!

I know it’s been a while since I have posted ANYTHING on this blog of mine lol, but there’s just not been much to type about until now.

Hi from HOT and DRY, VERY DRY Colorado.  We’ve barely had any rain since the late spring snows we had back in April or May.  There has hardly been any rain here at all this month, and the land and myself are seriously feeling it.  We’ve had wildfires out the ass going on around here all month long and still some of them are going.  The air is filled with smoke and still POLLEN from the trees are very very HIGH.  Those two combined have been giving me issues.  My asthma is not happy with this pollution in the air and it’s been giving me hell.

I just want it to rain for a while is all.  If a storm brews that’s fine I just hope another fire doesn’t get started from all the lightening.  Most of the damage that’s happened in our beautiful mountains are from the pine beetles that have killed off MANY of our beautiful trees.  I just wish that people would either start cutting down those trees so that there won’t be such a rich fire tender field in our woods.  I hope we’ll eventually find out HOW to stop those beetles and soon! It’s annoying that they have caused so much damage and have made our forests tender boxes that will go up with just a puff of smoke.  It’s so sad and it’s hell on my health mostly my asthma.

Anyways, send us some of that rain from the East and South East.  We need it lol! Well time to stop my bitching and moaning, cause I know it won’t do any good :).  Just enjoy the sunshine and stay cool.

Last year around this time, Santa left some gifts here for our godsons and we had to deliver them before Christmas Eve.  I don’t even remember what day it was lol.  All I know is there were a lot of nice gifts.  One though had to be replaced, but Santa was able to do that as well.

This year, we’ll be delivering some presents again, but it will be on Christmas Day when we deliver them since we’ll be going over there for Christmas celebration.  We might be a little late getting there, but I’m sure they won’t mind :).  We’ll try and make it by noon or so, depending on the weather or we might deliver them tonight cause the weather is suppose to turn bad on Christmas Eve.  Looks like Santa will have snow falling when he delivers the gifts and presents on Christmas Eve.

Lets hope the weather looks good for Christmas Day, and we will be hopefully celebrating a WHITE Christmas this year! YEAH! :)

 

Together Time

Together time is good time for hundreds of people.  All I know is that it is like 5:34 in the morning and I’m wide awake.  I guess that comes with the territory of falling asleep at 10 p.m. only waking long enough to take your medications and then just rolling back over and falling asleep until your man comes to bed about 4 or 5 in the morning when he has to be up in a couple of hours to go to work.

My man was sick yesterday, and still is but sounds much better then he did yesterday after he slept all day yesterday.  Thank goodness the company he works for is understanding compared to some companies out there and the ones he worked before finding this job.  I hope and pray they continue to be understanding and doesn’t decide to lay him off work, cause this would be the worst thing to do AGAIN just before Christmas and cause he’s been sick.  That’s assholes for you, but then I guess some companies can’t help but be assholes, if all they worry about is making money instead of the people that work for them.  If they was that worried, they most likely shouldn’t have even started a business and that’s the way I see things.

Anyways, we went to the company party two nights ago and it was fun and nice.  The company definitely cares about their people a lot, and that’s good ethics in my books.  The food was great, but at least it kept room in my stomach for something later LOL.  Anyways, the company was great, cause we all got to get together and just talk about stuff that didn’t even deal with work, but with life :).  A lot of the same people that sat with us last year also sat with us this year and it was just awesome.  We talked about all sorts of things from the online games we played to just talk :).  This is the most socializing Erbo and I get involved with every year :).  We still have our other friends, but to get involved in such a big group to just talk and have fun is wonderful even if it is once twice or three times a year. :)

As a matter of fact we are getting together with another group of friends this Saturday.  We are going down to the Springs to get together with our writing (Author) friends.  Yes we know some actual writers and the books I have read of theirs so far are pretty awesome.  I’m actually going to be reading the newest book by the host of the party starting today some time :).

Also the thing about this time of the year, there is a lot of people, friends and family getting together just to enjoy the company.  It is after all December and Christmas just right around the corner :).  The time for giving is always a good time to get together and enjoy peoples company.

I wish everyone out there a Merry Christmas, Happy Holiday and more! Bless us all!

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