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Archive for the ‘Thoughts’ Category

On the 30th of June, I had a wisdom tooth extracted and a deep clean of that side.  I was worried cause the bleeding hadn’t really stopped the next day, but finally it did after we went back to see the dentist.

 

He said it was healing and don’t eat on it and leave the gauze out and I did and it finally stopped after I started eating some food.  Well next Monday I got back to the dentist to get the other side done, but I already told him that I’m gonna hold off on getting the other wisdom tooth pulled.  I’ll do the deep clean and fillings but that’s about it until I know what I can do after talking to my regular doctor.

 

Well good thing is I only had two wisdom teeth and they are both upper and that they grew in rather straight unlike some people.  I’m lucky I don’t have bottom ones also, thank gods.  I also only had like two cavities, and this is coming from a person who hasn’t been to a dentist in over 30+ years, so I’m kind of surprised myself I don’t have more, and I’m sure the dentist himself was pretty surprised.

 

Anyways, next year we will be moved into a newer apartment here at our complex, so that they can finally renovate the one we are in now, which hasn’t been renovated since my better half has lived here.  The complex definitely wants to keep us as residents and we will hopefully be moved into one of the ones that have already been renovated.  I for one am hoping we get an upstairs unit, this way I ain’t go to worry about someone trying to break into the apartment and can actually sleep with the patio and windows open.  Well the patio will be closed at night but yeah, having windows open and using fans will be nice to save on our electric bill.

 

Anyways, I think I’m done writing on my blog for the day.  I’m gonna start working on a new story idea that is rolling around in my head.  So I hope everyone had a great 4th of July and are enjoying their summer and more.  I will hopefully be writing again on my blog if something worth chatting about comes up :).  Later.

 

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Damn it’s been 2 years since I posted anything to this blog.  Well not much has been around to talk about.  I am still with my man, who is now transitioning into a woman, and we have been together going on 9 years this year.

I will tell everyone this right here and right now.  I have been accepting of Erbo, transitioning to Amy for 4 going on 5 years now, and IF ANYONE posts a comment that is degrading and what not I will block you from posting again on my web page and do the same with any name you come back with to do this.  I say this to you,  ya’ll can go fuck yourselves cause that’s how I feel about ANYONE degrading people who transgender.

My goddaughter is also transgender so get over yourselves and keep your religious shit to yourself.  Yes I’m a Christian, but I am not an EXTREMIST like most of them out there.  I have been saved and baptized and I know where I am going and I know it ain’t hell, which is where the extremists will be going.

I’m a very spiritual person, and I see people for people and who they are and what their heart and soul is.  I don’t care what gender they be, what race they be or whatever.  We all came from the same people, the same being and so forth.  Just get over yourselves and you can live your life as you want, but don’t drag that shit into my blog by comments.

Anyways, I’m done with my soap box and all :).  I’m just still healthy and so is my better half and we still love each other to death.  I fell in love with the person not their gender.  Take care everyone and have a great day.

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The winter seems to be never ending this year, but I’ve got hope with the past few warm days that winter is about to end in time for a nice spring.

Mother Nature has definantly gone into Menopause this last bit of winter.  We are warm and nice one day, but then the next we are back into cold and snow or just cold, but guess what :), I really don’t care.  I love how the weather is and such.  It’s nice to be so unpredictable lots of times, cause by the time summer gets here people are going to be wanting fall and winter to come sooner then later.  The temps here in the summer depends on what mother nature will do.  We are usually in the 80s or 90s in the summer with very little moisture, but hey that’s what nature is like.  You are suppose to be unpredictable and hint at things to come. 🙂

Today we had snow, while the past two days have been warm and windy and in the 60s and 70s, today snow and in the 30s and 40s :).  It’s been cloudy all day and will continue to be, we even have more snow possibly tonight, but it ain’t going to be much :).

Ahh nature what a wonderful thing :).  Enjoy the hints of the coming seasons, because if you don’t you’ll regret it :).

 

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Friends

You know ever since facebook came out it’s been very popular, and I discovered I had way more friends then I thought in high school and those I went to school with.  It’s amazing how you find out some things like that, but I also found out that some people that didn’t accept my friendship were the same ones who didn’t like me in high school and bullied me and still don’t want to be friends with me, but you know what.  I honestly don’t care much on that end any more.  It’s their life and that’s who they will forever be.

I did however ask a question of my friends and classmates why they remained where they were or where they moved to and the answers so far are pretty great.  I miss my friends, but you know, I can at least keep in some what contact with them and enjoy their life moments and their reasons behind why they stayed or moved :).  I like learning about my friends lives and what not.  It makes me feel great that everyone is having a wonderful life.

To all my friends and family over on facebook thank you for being there for me at times and keeping me up to date to the best of ya’ll’s abilities :).  I hope ya’ll’s lives continue to be wonderful and beautiful :).

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As I sit here in front of my computer, and look through Facebook.  I notice some things about my life as I was growing up.  The main thought is, Why was I picked on while growing up?

I have no answer to this, cause seriously, from the time I started school until I graduated high school, I was always picked on and made fun of.  I never in my life from Daycare days to graduating high school, NEVER picked on anyone at all.  I never called any of my classmates names, and I never picked on them.  I was always smiling and telling people good luck and best wishes and everything, yet some of my classmates picked on me and called me names.

Back then I never really let people know that I was hurting inside and such cause of all the picking on and name calling me they did.  I finally shut down in high school and just tried my best to ignore the hurt and pain I was feeling as they continued to pick on me and such.  My life growing up, at least through school, was hard, very hard on me.  I had very and I mean VERY few friends, cause all the others that picked on me never really became my friends.  I’m a friendly person at least until someone pushes the right buttons and I get pissed off then, but I never once went off on any of the ones picking on me while in school.

I knew though that it would be my luck that if I did, I’d be the one most likely to be suspended or something, but I honestly don’t know for sure if that would have happened, but I avoided causing any problems cause I know it could get me in trouble.  I was paddled in middle school, and I honestly don’t remember why that even happened, but after that nothing, but I was still being picked on.  So basically I just shut myself down in high school and tried to mainly concentrate on my band, working in the library, and my other classes.  I still barely passed in many of my classes, but at least I did pass and I did graduate.  I felt finally FREE of the harassment and the picking on and name calling.  I went to college graduated from one, that shut down, but didn’t graduate from the other, just cause I couldn’t afford it any more and I had gotten really sick and I felt my health was better then the stress.  I thankfully was never made fun of or talked about or picked on in college or at least I don’t think I was and if I was they kept it out of my hearing and such.

Anyways, most of my pain and hurt and anger I was feeling, I’d put into over 300+ poems.  I’d wrote them and then put them on computer and sadly I lost ALL of them and my 3 stories I’d written in a major HD Crash and it was unrecoverable.  It sucked that I’d lost years up on years of writing and was unable to recover the stuff.  I will never get over losing that stuff, but at least from time to time I still try to write when I can.  I have a better life now then I did back then.  I’m with the man I love very much and living with him.  He tries his best to keep me happy and that is often, but then there are times like this or other times that my past slips in and causes a depression, but thankfully that depression doesn’t happen long, cause of the GREAT friends I have now.  I also live in the beautiful state of Colorado and the mountains and country side here are always breathtaking.  I no longer live in Arkansas where my old life was, I was able to get my dad back up to Illinois to live with his family, so I wouldn’t have to worry so much about him any more.

My mom is fine and also lives in Illinois along with my stepfather.  My brother well, not much I have to say about him, I just want him to be happy and no where near me.  I love him yes but we tend to get along better when we are separated and apart.  It’s for the best this way and only seeing each other every now and then.  We were always fighting and that just made me feel even worse as I was growing up, so combining that with the picking on and name calling at school, I was never stress free.  I was always stressed out to the point that I would literally walk home from school after school is let out.  I would take long walks just to think or cry or whatever before I got home.  I was always walking around Arkadelphia and continued to do walking when I could before my health got really bad.

Hell I remember the days when I could do a lot of swimming, biking, walking, hiking and more.  I remember hiking up and down West Mountain and Hot Springs Mountain.  I remember swimming in Degray Lake and other places.  I remember riding my bike all over the place, down to my aunt’s or cousins or something, just to get away from the every day stress of life.  It was the only way I could feel free and think or even work out my frustrations.

Sadly now a days, since my health is as it is, I can’t really do that much any more.  I have to get on Xbox or some other computer game to kill or shot things or something to work out my frustration and sometimes that’s not even wise, especially on Xbox.  Other players out there start shit talking and it pisses me off, especially when they are shit talking and picking on my friends that I’m playing with.  I now tell them what for.  I find it funny, but then I start noticing I’m just getting ticked off more and my blood pressure goes up.  I am much better off when I’m in a party chat cause then I don’t have to hear what the others are saying and I keep my cool until I’ve been playing to long and I start getting mad even in party chat. Lol that’s when I know it’s time to call it quits for the night or day depending on what time it is, mostly night.

I do however still write when I need to and such, though it’s not often.  I usually just go lie down and go to sleep.

Well I don’t have much else to say, so I’m going to end this post here. I feel a lot better typing this out and posting it.  🙂

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Ok i recently played on ghost for my xbox 360 about a week or so ago now, and I got pissed off at some people and they STARTED it so I cussed them out and such.  It wasn’t even at other clan members, but apparently someone made a copy of Kronos’ video that involved it and edited it out some things.

I watched the video and I find it funny as hell, but I think some of our former clan members took offense and I say this.  I stood back for so long of my life and never really defended myself back in high school when I was bullied and made fun of.  I just let it happen, well guess what people, I’ve grown up and I will no longer stand back and let people walk all over me.  When people piss me off I DO NOT MINCE WORDS and tell them what for.  Many of the people in the clan I play with know how I am and shouldn’t complain about it.

Some have left so what, don’t care they just need to get over it.

I know longer play ghost or any call of duty games any more, cause I’ve gotten tired of the trash talkers, the modders, the cheaters and the hackers.  They’ve ruined those games for me now.  If I ever do play Ghost again it’ll be on my XBox One, but even that’s iffy right now.  The games I’ll be getting for my xbone will be Battlefield 4, Destiny and then last COD: Ghosts.

Once I get my xbone, don’t expect to see me much on my 360 and the only time I would be getting on my 360 will be to play GTA 5.

Anyways, I’m done ranting and raving about things.  I’m getting off here for the night so good night and sleep well, and I hope everyone has a great day tomorrow.

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I know it’s been a while since I have posted ANYTHING on this blog of mine lol, but there’s just not been much to type about until now.

Hi from HOT and DRY, VERY DRY Colorado.  We’ve barely had any rain since the late spring snows we had back in April or May.  There has hardly been any rain here at all this month, and the land and myself are seriously feeling it.  We’ve had wildfires out the ass going on around here all month long and still some of them are going.  The air is filled with smoke and still POLLEN from the trees are very very HIGH.  Those two combined have been giving me issues.  My asthma is not happy with this pollution in the air and it’s been giving me hell.

I just want it to rain for a while is all.  If a storm brews that’s fine I just hope another fire doesn’t get started from all the lightening.  Most of the damage that’s happened in our beautiful mountains are from the pine beetles that have killed off MANY of our beautiful trees.  I just wish that people would either start cutting down those trees so that there won’t be such a rich fire tender field in our woods.  I hope we’ll eventually find out HOW to stop those beetles and soon! It’s annoying that they have caused so much damage and have made our forests tender boxes that will go up with just a puff of smoke.  It’s so sad and it’s hell on my health mostly my asthma.

Anyways, send us some of that rain from the East and South East.  We need it lol! Well time to stop my bitching and moaning, cause I know it won’t do any good :).  Just enjoy the sunshine and stay cool.

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