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As I sit here in front of my computer, and look through Facebook.  I notice some things about my life as I was growing up.  The main thought is, Why was I picked on while growing up?

I have no answer to this, cause seriously, from the time I started school until I graduated high school, I was always picked on and made fun of.  I never in my life from Daycare days to graduating high school, NEVER picked on anyone at all.  I never called any of my classmates names, and I never picked on them.  I was always smiling and telling people good luck and best wishes and everything, yet some of my classmates picked on me and called me names.

Back then I never really let people know that I was hurting inside and such cause of all the picking on and name calling me they did.  I finally shut down in high school and just tried my best to ignore the hurt and pain I was feeling as they continued to pick on me and such.  My life growing up, at least through school, was hard, very hard on me.  I had very and I mean VERY few friends, cause all the others that picked on me never really became my friends.  I’m a friendly person at least until someone pushes the right buttons and I get pissed off then, but I never once went off on any of the ones picking on me while in school.

I knew though that it would be my luck that if I did, I’d be the one most likely to be suspended or something, but I honestly don’t know for sure if that would have happened, but I avoided causing any problems cause I know it could get me in trouble.  I was paddled in middle school, and I honestly don’t remember why that even happened, but after that nothing, but I was still being picked on.  So basically I just shut myself down in high school and tried to mainly concentrate on my band, working in the library, and my other classes.  I still barely passed in many of my classes, but at least I did pass and I did graduate.  I felt finally FREE of the harassment and the picking on and name calling.  I went to college graduated from one, that shut down, but didn’t graduate from the other, just cause I couldn’t afford it any more and I had gotten really sick and I felt my health was better then the stress.  I thankfully was never made fun of or talked about or picked on in college or at least I don’t think I was and if I was they kept it out of my hearing and such.

Anyways, most of my pain and hurt and anger I was feeling, I’d put into over 300+ poems.  I’d wrote them and then put them on computer and sadly I lost ALL of them and my 3 stories I’d written in a major HD Crash and it was unrecoverable.  It sucked that I’d lost years up on years of writing and was unable to recover the stuff.  I will never get over losing that stuff, but at least from time to time I still try to write when I can.  I have a better life now then I did back then.  I’m with the man I love very much and living with him.  He tries his best to keep me happy and that is often, but then there are times like this or other times that my past slips in and causes a depression, but thankfully that depression doesn’t happen long, cause of the GREAT friends I have now.  I also live in the beautiful state of Colorado and the mountains and country side here are always breathtaking.  I no longer live in Arkansas where my old life was, I was able to get my dad back up to Illinois to live with his family, so I wouldn’t have to worry so much about him any more.

My mom is fine and also lives in Illinois along with my stepfather.  My brother well, not much I have to say about him, I just want him to be happy and no where near me.  I love him yes but we tend to get along better when we are separated and apart.  It’s for the best this way and only seeing each other every now and then.  We were always fighting and that just made me feel even worse as I was growing up, so combining that with the picking on and name calling at school, I was never stress free.  I was always stressed out to the point that I would literally walk home from school after school is let out.  I would take long walks just to think or cry or whatever before I got home.  I was always walking around Arkadelphia and continued to do walking when I could before my health got really bad.

Hell I remember the days when I could do a lot of swimming, biking, walking, hiking and more.  I remember hiking up and down West Mountain and Hot Springs Mountain.  I remember swimming in Degray Lake and other places.  I remember riding my bike all over the place, down to my aunt’s or cousins or something, just to get away from the every day stress of life.  It was the only way I could feel free and think or even work out my frustrations.

Sadly now a days, since my health is as it is, I can’t really do that much any more.  I have to get on Xbox or some other computer game to kill or shot things or something to work out my frustration and sometimes that’s not even wise, especially on Xbox.  Other players out there start shit talking and it pisses me off, especially when they are shit talking and picking on my friends that I’m playing with.  I now tell them what for.  I find it funny, but then I start noticing I’m just getting ticked off more and my blood pressure goes up.  I am much better off when I’m in a party chat cause then I don’t have to hear what the others are saying and I keep my cool until I’ve been playing to long and I start getting mad even in party chat. Lol that’s when I know it’s time to call it quits for the night or day depending on what time it is, mostly night.

I do however still write when I need to and such, though it’s not often.  I usually just go lie down and go to sleep.

Well I don’t have much else to say, so I’m going to end this post here. I feel a lot better typing this out and posting it.  🙂

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Ok i recently played on ghost for my xbox 360 about a week or so ago now, and I got pissed off at some people and they STARTED it so I cussed them out and such.  It wasn’t even at other clan members, but apparently someone made a copy of Kronos’ video that involved it and edited it out some things.

I watched the video and I find it funny as hell, but I think some of our former clan members took offense and I say this.  I stood back for so long of my life and never really defended myself back in high school when I was bullied and made fun of.  I just let it happen, well guess what people, I’ve grown up and I will no longer stand back and let people walk all over me.  When people piss me off I DO NOT MINCE WORDS and tell them what for.  Many of the people in the clan I play with know how I am and shouldn’t complain about it.

Some have left so what, don’t care they just need to get over it.

I know longer play ghost or any call of duty games any more, cause I’ve gotten tired of the trash talkers, the modders, the cheaters and the hackers.  They’ve ruined those games for me now.  If I ever do play Ghost again it’ll be on my XBox One, but even that’s iffy right now.  The games I’ll be getting for my xbone will be Battlefield 4, Destiny and then last COD: Ghosts.

Once I get my xbone, don’t expect to see me much on my 360 and the only time I would be getting on my 360 will be to play GTA 5.

Anyways, I’m done ranting and raving about things.  I’m getting off here for the night so good night and sleep well, and I hope everyone has a great day tomorrow.

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OK I’m lying here in the bed, and started thinking I needed to post something since it had been awhile.

This all started about oh I’d say 4 hours or so ago.  I’ll start from the beginning.

I got offline with my sissy and bro after playing a few hours or so on Wizard101.  I was getting really foggy brained.  I decided to go take a nap, and woke up about an hour later actually feeling much better and clear minded.

Then I got on XBOX for a while and played on MineCraft and discovered that my very first world I created on there was actually pretty awesome in looks.  I discovered many more areas, one with twin waterfalls and others with a nice sized desert and the likes, I also discovered that not far from my little tree farm there were a couple of lava pits on the surface, which we usually find underground.

Anyways, after showing it off to my better half, I decided to join up with a friend of mine on there in the group he was in and chatted, but apparently two of the people didn’t like my chatting and muted me. Oh well, I also was on my friends world in MineCraft for a little while before he had to go to the store, then his friends booted me from the party after he went afk, and after that got on and played a little bit of MW3 before just shutting down the game and XBOX, then out of the blue Depression decides to hit me.

I have no clue what trigged the depression, but I decided to come into the bedroom, and I told my man he didn’t have to leave the bed, but he did anyways and that even made it worse.  I’m wondering if it was the way I was treated when my friends, friends decided they didn’t want to hear me talking or want me in their party, but who the hell knows, I sure don’t.

As I was saying, I came into the bedroom and decided to do some Cryptograms, and they helped for a while, but the depression was still there just under the surface making me just want to break down and cry, I think I did cry a little, but I stopped and started thinking that I needed to get on and post something and maybe that will help me, so here I am posting like I said I would, after waiting a couple of hours for my little netbook here to update and all.

We also had to delete a program from the computer cause it was interferring with Java Update, and come to find out the program that was running actually shutdown just this past June 1st and it was the zumodrive thingy, so we removed it.

Anyways, I’ll be posting more and I do feel a little better but I think the next post might just make me feel much better.

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Ok here’s the deal, like I said yesterday I would soon be posting something dealing with our new car that we just got, so there is going to be a lot of different sayings going off in this post. 🙂

So everyone knows about the Saturn decided to commit “suicide” to let my man know that it’s time for a new car :).  Many cars have a way of letting you know, some subtle and some not so subtle hints :).  Ours was a NOT SO SUBTLE HINT. LOL :).  Other cars a blinking light here, a fuse there, a battery or engine part there lol, ours was to decide to submarine under the back end of a Ford Escape, as I said in the previous post no one was hurt.  The incident happened at less then 20 mph speed so no air bags deployed and the likes. Both drivers, my guy and the lady driving the Escape were just more startled then anything, but anyways on with this post about the new car :).

The following picture is a picture of the new car, which he still is trying to figure out what to call it since the Lady Jane is no more, he’s thinking Serenity, but hasn’t made up his mind yet. LOL :).

New Car

2011 Ford Taurus

Now to get into the story here.  Once he got the amount he was going to be able to get.  He then told me that amount plus other specifics he wanted me to use to find just the right car.  My heart has always been set on a Ford Taurus so this worked out well.  He didn’t want to by from any other company that was given money by the government, and I sure as heck didn’t want a foreign job like a Toyota and the likes, so it was Ford or nothing :). So I went on the internet and started digging through actual dealerships instead of the little shady seed joint dealerships out there and came up with 5 possible locations for us to go look at the cars, cause as he was saying the clock is ticking and fast cause we were renting a car for like 200 a week. I found the cars and locations and had to wait until he got home from work to hand over the pages of the possible cars :).

No sooner he looked at the first one it was like, WHOA! Shiny!; this being the car up above, but he still went through and put the locations in order of which we would go look at them, but we didn’t even get past the first one :). LOL.  He drove it and definitely wanted it, and he also said it was the better deal of all the other cars that were on the list, so that night we came home in a new car :). LOL.

His words today are as follows: “But if you want my opinion about the car itself? It is POSH. It is built like a brick house. Driving it feels more like flying the Space Shuttle than driving a car. The driver is just cocooned in his operating position, and the touch on the controls is so light I feel like I’m controlling it with my thoughts while on the freeway.”

So there we have it lol, a brand new car that says we’ve moved up in life and are living high off a hog, living the high life and more.  Very much says “Executive” when we aren’t :).  There is lots of room without elbows and legs being cramped and the likes and still have many of the things that he had, just updated :). This is what the center console looks like :).

Center Console

Center Console

This console has Sirius Radio and many other features.  I can even control my side of the cars temp, which is a plus, cause he tends to freeze or burn me up when I was unable to control it lol.  It has 4 cup holders and yes there are places hidden under the covers and in the back that are auxiliary power outlets for charging phones and iPads and the likes.  There’s even a vent in the back so that the back passengers can get heater or ac air back in the back :).  The steering wheel has radio control so the driver never has to take his hands off the steering wheel while driving as well as the cruise controls :).

This car is space aged and we are loving it :).  This will be a nice comfortable ride out east when we finally do go visit family, or even out west towards California to see more family :).  The lap of Luxury has landed for us and we didn’t even win the Powerball or Mega Million 🙂 LOL. Luck was on our side and we are very thankful for it right now.  This car is a boat and comfortable :).  I even feel safer in it then I did the Saturn :).

Well if anything else comes in mind I’ll probably add it or not, don’t know yet.  This is enough, and I’m not trying to brag about it either.  This was just the lucky one that caught Erbo’s attention :).  Type more later, if something blog wise comes up in my thoughts lol :).

 

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Well I went and took a couple of pictures of my new fan, which I put together with very little help :). I love it when I can do that. I’ll just post one picture of the fan :).

My last fan I had bit the dust over a year ago.  It was a standing Oscillating Fan, where this one is a desk top fan :).  It’s also all metal, which is better then the all plastic ones out there :).

Metal Fan

Metal Fan

This little fan is definitely doing it’s job, and I love it! This will also help me deal with the summer heat, cause I don’t want to always run the AC since I’ve moved to Colorado.

Now when I lived in Arkansas, there was no way in hell that we could survive the summer without the AC’s running.  The humidity down there was horrible along with the awful heat indexes! Ugh, talk about no sooner you step outside your clothes stick to your body cause of the instant sweat that gathers on your skin just from the humidity alone.  Also it don’t help much when your temps get into the 100s down there, and then add in the heat indexes over 100. EW! Anyways, I’m very happy to be living in Colorado because there is like NO humidity.  It’s dry and very comfortable, though you can see the dry air affect on your skin, that’s what moisturizing lotion is for :).  I’ll take this over humidity any day, but sadly I’ll have to deal with some humidity when I go visit family cause they live in Illinois and Arkansas.  I’ll suffer the humidity just to see my family and loved ones :).

Enjoy!

 

 

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Ok so now I’m frustrated to the point of crying right now.  Penny has been misbehaving today and she finally made me blow my gasket.  No I didn’t hurt her or anything, but she went and knocked off one of the big speakers in the master bedroom.

Now lets hope she learns not to do that again.  I just hope that my man will be in a good mood to deal with Hurricane Penny.  I’ve had to shut off the master bedroom to keep her out of it, now lets hope her destructive hyper active mood doesn’t wind up destroying our computer network.  I just don’t know what the hell has gotten into her this morning and I don’t even want to find out.  She’s been batting at things again and I haven’t even run my electric razor for almost a week.

I probably have everyone in the apartment building wondering what the hell that was with me yelling at her and the patio door wide open.

God give me strength to get over what ever the hell has frustrated me today.  I slept at least 8 hours yet how the hell can I be over tired again.

Maybe it was all the drama happening over xbox last night, so I’ll be avoiding it for a little while.  I SERIOUSLY HATE DRAMA.

Hell it’s also probably my horrible mood swings because I’ll be starting soon and the PMS is really going to be bad this month.  Maybe even my cycle.  Hell I don’t know any more.

I SERIOUSLY hate being like this.  I’m usually never like this PERIOD, but for some reason it’s like right there on the edge of blowing up. *sighs*

As for the drama on XBOX last night, lets just say I will not pick friends over other friends.  One friend says he doesn’t like this group cause of something they do, yet when that group I play with a few of them from that group doesn’t.  I don’t know what the hell they did to each other, but seriously folks please stop dragging me into the middle of the drama.  I like everyone I play with on there, but damn it I won’t choose over one or the other but if you don’t want to be my friend cause I’m friends with another person that you don’t like get over it ok and you can easily remove me from your list and it won’t be no skin off my nose.

I get on xbox to RELAX and have FUN not to be mean and the likes.  XBOX IS JUST A GAME CONSOLE WITH GAMES STOP TAKING THE SHIT SO DAMN SERIOUSLY! IT’S A GAME FOR FUCK SAKE GET OVER IT!!!!!!!

Anyways, I might have more to deal with later but honestly I don’t give a fuck about it and if people find my blog, especially this one bad cause of the cuss words I DO NOT CARE.  I have a right to type what I want and this is adult language in so many blogs out there it shouldn’t be no issue to ANYONE.  Free speech after all! God Bless America for that!

 

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Wow it’s hard to believe that the 11 year cycle is just starting but won’t be in full swing until next year!

The Solar storms seem to be kicking off to a good start apparently, so far I’ve read of two major solar flare ups this year alone.  I think the first one was back in January and then this most recent one today.

The Solar flare erupted yesterday, and will be hitting us full blown today at 4 million mph! Damn that’s fast.  It will most likely or possibly cause issues with a number of things today, from possible power grid outages to GPS not wanting to work properly and so forth and so on.

According to the people who keep tabs on this thing, we can expect to see the Northern Lights all the way down here into Colorado, but with the full moon out there tonight, there might be some interference from the glow of the moon and we won’t be able to see much of the Northern Lights.  I would LOVE to see some Auroras, but who knows, there will most likely be some good possibilities to see them next year for sure since it seems the sun is going to be in its 11 year active cycle.

Another thing that is happening out there as well.  The Worm Moon, which is what the Native American’s call the March full moon is wiggling it’s way into the sky tonight.

The Native American’s called the March full moon the Lenten moon. It was thought to be the final full moon of winter, and a herald of spring.

Native Americans named full moons to differentiate between seasons.

The Worm Moon got it’s name because in March the ground traditionally begins to thaw, allowing worms to start emerging.

You can learn more about the Full Moon Names and Their Meanings by reading in the farmers’ almanac.

I hope you all enjoy this post.  I enjoyed writing it.  I’m sorry if my posts are few and far between, but it’s kind of hard to come up with something to blog about when not much is happening in your life and the likes :).

 

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