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Archive for the ‘Computers’ Category

I’m sorry about not keeping things going here.  Just life in general gets very busy for me and usually I have nothing really to really write about. 🙂

Well here’s a few things:

My health is still the same and I’m staying healthy to the best of my ability. My asthma is in good control and my protime or NRI is doing great and the diabetes is the only thing being stubborn even though I’ve lost weight, it just doesn’t want to give up it’s foot hold, but you know, I’m still walking and breathing and eventually the diabetes will give up it’s hold, I just have to keep doing whatever it is I’m doing to help get it there.

My sister finally got her book out there and has had a number of her books bought, and she has even been asked to write the rest of her life story by a few people that have bought her book :).  I hope she does, cause her life is very interesting compared to mine :), but just to give a heads up, if anyone goes to Amazon.com and looks up “Don’t Cry Broken Angel” be prepared for some rather graphic reading and it’s all true.

We bought our godsons/nephews their own xbox one for Christmas this year with a some games so that when I’m on the xbox one and on one of those games, then they can join me in play.

I also saved up over $1000 to build myself a brand new system, I’ve named it Phoenix and have retired my old machine, Kaliska, which will be used for a new and better updated server for our family minecraft, in hopes that it will be less laggy then what we have for that right now since Delenn is used as more of a mail server for my fiance’s comcast mail gathering and a few other things.

Erbo (Eric) and I have been together for 7 years and are still going strong.  We still have minor political arguments and a few other arguments, but you know; lol, that’s just us.  We are still very much in love and very happy with each other :).  We take care of each other and I am slowly getting back into cooking home meals from time to time so we don’t always have to bring home take out.

Penny, our little kitty, is doing fine and still healthy and well loved and she returns the love 10 fold.  She’s a wonderful and very loving pet, and we still think of her as our child, though she is a black kitty with a touch of white on her belly and chest and has four legs and meows and purrs instead of talking back or talking :).

My dad is doing great over in Illinois and we keep in contact as much as possible :).  I’ll most likely soon enough be saving up to get him a new computer that he can pick up at Best Buy and what not.  The one he has, had finally given up the ghost, but then he won’t get it until his birthday come July.  I’m putting money aside right now to help pay off the card that Erbo used to get the boys their Christmas presents.  Hopefully that won’t be to long :).

My mom and step-dad are doing well as well.  They are both healthy and my step-dad still drives those 18 wheelers.  Mom has semi-retired from driving the big trucks cause of some of her health issues, but other then that they are both doing well.

I had a shock last year just before Christmas.  I ended up getting a Christmas card from my brother and his girlfriend and her family for Christmas.  I was like oh my really.  It’s about time my brother found someone who can put up with his shit and keep him in line :).  Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother to bits, but it’s best that we stay apart, but it’s nice to hear from him from time to time cause at least then I know he’s doing fine.  As for his health, I have no clue, but I hope it has improved since I last seen him a few years back when Eric and I went to Illinois to visit dad for his birthday.  We also went and seen mom and my step-dad and a few other family members, including my Aunt in Arkansas.

As for the rest of my time so far, it’s been playing minecraft, trying to continue to write books, playing on the xbox and on Second Life.  Sadly my creative juices are kind of blocked right now and it’s hard for me to try to write or build things, so I play on the xbox and facebook and listen to my music in hopes that some day soon enough I’ll be able to get back to the writing and being creative again, but until then I’ll do what ever I can do to have fun and such.

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As I sit here in front of my computer, and look through Facebook.  I notice some things about my life as I was growing up.  The main thought is, Why was I picked on while growing up?

I have no answer to this, cause seriously, from the time I started school until I graduated high school, I was always picked on and made fun of.  I never in my life from Daycare days to graduating high school, NEVER picked on anyone at all.  I never called any of my classmates names, and I never picked on them.  I was always smiling and telling people good luck and best wishes and everything, yet some of my classmates picked on me and called me names.

Back then I never really let people know that I was hurting inside and such cause of all the picking on and name calling me they did.  I finally shut down in high school and just tried my best to ignore the hurt and pain I was feeling as they continued to pick on me and such.  My life growing up, at least through school, was hard, very hard on me.  I had very and I mean VERY few friends, cause all the others that picked on me never really became my friends.  I’m a friendly person at least until someone pushes the right buttons and I get pissed off then, but I never once went off on any of the ones picking on me while in school.

I knew though that it would be my luck that if I did, I’d be the one most likely to be suspended or something, but I honestly don’t know for sure if that would have happened, but I avoided causing any problems cause I know it could get me in trouble.  I was paddled in middle school, and I honestly don’t remember why that even happened, but after that nothing, but I was still being picked on.  So basically I just shut myself down in high school and tried to mainly concentrate on my band, working in the library, and my other classes.  I still barely passed in many of my classes, but at least I did pass and I did graduate.  I felt finally FREE of the harassment and the picking on and name calling.  I went to college graduated from one, that shut down, but didn’t graduate from the other, just cause I couldn’t afford it any more and I had gotten really sick and I felt my health was better then the stress.  I thankfully was never made fun of or talked about or picked on in college or at least I don’t think I was and if I was they kept it out of my hearing and such.

Anyways, most of my pain and hurt and anger I was feeling, I’d put into over 300+ poems.  I’d wrote them and then put them on computer and sadly I lost ALL of them and my 3 stories I’d written in a major HD Crash and it was unrecoverable.  It sucked that I’d lost years up on years of writing and was unable to recover the stuff.  I will never get over losing that stuff, but at least from time to time I still try to write when I can.  I have a better life now then I did back then.  I’m with the man I love very much and living with him.  He tries his best to keep me happy and that is often, but then there are times like this or other times that my past slips in and causes a depression, but thankfully that depression doesn’t happen long, cause of the GREAT friends I have now.  I also live in the beautiful state of Colorado and the mountains and country side here are always breathtaking.  I no longer live in Arkansas where my old life was, I was able to get my dad back up to Illinois to live with his family, so I wouldn’t have to worry so much about him any more.

My mom is fine and also lives in Illinois along with my stepfather.  My brother well, not much I have to say about him, I just want him to be happy and no where near me.  I love him yes but we tend to get along better when we are separated and apart.  It’s for the best this way and only seeing each other every now and then.  We were always fighting and that just made me feel even worse as I was growing up, so combining that with the picking on and name calling at school, I was never stress free.  I was always stressed out to the point that I would literally walk home from school after school is let out.  I would take long walks just to think or cry or whatever before I got home.  I was always walking around Arkadelphia and continued to do walking when I could before my health got really bad.

Hell I remember the days when I could do a lot of swimming, biking, walking, hiking and more.  I remember hiking up and down West Mountain and Hot Springs Mountain.  I remember swimming in Degray Lake and other places.  I remember riding my bike all over the place, down to my aunt’s or cousins or something, just to get away from the every day stress of life.  It was the only way I could feel free and think or even work out my frustrations.

Sadly now a days, since my health is as it is, I can’t really do that much any more.  I have to get on Xbox or some other computer game to kill or shot things or something to work out my frustration and sometimes that’s not even wise, especially on Xbox.  Other players out there start shit talking and it pisses me off, especially when they are shit talking and picking on my friends that I’m playing with.  I now tell them what for.  I find it funny, but then I start noticing I’m just getting ticked off more and my blood pressure goes up.  I am much better off when I’m in a party chat cause then I don’t have to hear what the others are saying and I keep my cool until I’ve been playing to long and I start getting mad even in party chat. Lol that’s when I know it’s time to call it quits for the night or day depending on what time it is, mostly night.

I do however still write when I need to and such, though it’s not often.  I usually just go lie down and go to sleep.

Well I don’t have much else to say, so I’m going to end this post here. I feel a lot better typing this out and posting it.  🙂

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Ok i recently played on ghost for my xbox 360 about a week or so ago now, and I got pissed off at some people and they STARTED it so I cussed them out and such.  It wasn’t even at other clan members, but apparently someone made a copy of Kronos’ video that involved it and edited it out some things.

I watched the video and I find it funny as hell, but I think some of our former clan members took offense and I say this.  I stood back for so long of my life and never really defended myself back in high school when I was bullied and made fun of.  I just let it happen, well guess what people, I’ve grown up and I will no longer stand back and let people walk all over me.  When people piss me off I DO NOT MINCE WORDS and tell them what for.  Many of the people in the clan I play with know how I am and shouldn’t complain about it.

Some have left so what, don’t care they just need to get over it.

I know longer play ghost or any call of duty games any more, cause I’ve gotten tired of the trash talkers, the modders, the cheaters and the hackers.  They’ve ruined those games for me now.  If I ever do play Ghost again it’ll be on my XBox One, but even that’s iffy right now.  The games I’ll be getting for my xbone will be Battlefield 4, Destiny and then last COD: Ghosts.

Once I get my xbone, don’t expect to see me much on my 360 and the only time I would be getting on my 360 will be to play GTA 5.

Anyways, I’m done ranting and raving about things.  I’m getting off here for the night so good night and sleep well, and I hope everyone has a great day tomorrow.

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OK I’m lying here in the bed, and started thinking I needed to post something since it had been awhile.

This all started about oh I’d say 4 hours or so ago.  I’ll start from the beginning.

I got offline with my sissy and bro after playing a few hours or so on Wizard101.  I was getting really foggy brained.  I decided to go take a nap, and woke up about an hour later actually feeling much better and clear minded.

Then I got on XBOX for a while and played on MineCraft and discovered that my very first world I created on there was actually pretty awesome in looks.  I discovered many more areas, one with twin waterfalls and others with a nice sized desert and the likes, I also discovered that not far from my little tree farm there were a couple of lava pits on the surface, which we usually find underground.

Anyways, after showing it off to my better half, I decided to join up with a friend of mine on there in the group he was in and chatted, but apparently two of the people didn’t like my chatting and muted me. Oh well, I also was on my friends world in MineCraft for a little while before he had to go to the store, then his friends booted me from the party after he went afk, and after that got on and played a little bit of MW3 before just shutting down the game and XBOX, then out of the blue Depression decides to hit me.

I have no clue what trigged the depression, but I decided to come into the bedroom, and I told my man he didn’t have to leave the bed, but he did anyways and that even made it worse.  I’m wondering if it was the way I was treated when my friends, friends decided they didn’t want to hear me talking or want me in their party, but who the hell knows, I sure don’t.

As I was saying, I came into the bedroom and decided to do some Cryptograms, and they helped for a while, but the depression was still there just under the surface making me just want to break down and cry, I think I did cry a little, but I stopped and started thinking that I needed to get on and post something and maybe that will help me, so here I am posting like I said I would, after waiting a couple of hours for my little netbook here to update and all.

We also had to delete a program from the computer cause it was interferring with Java Update, and come to find out the program that was running actually shutdown just this past June 1st and it was the zumodrive thingy, so we removed it.

Anyways, I’ll be posting more and I do feel a little better but I think the next post might just make me feel much better.

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You know what really sucks is when you get insomnia.

Insomnia is the worse sleeping disorder anyone can have, and I do have a mild case of it, but I’ve got family members that are much worse off with insomnia.

I will either do XBOX, be online via the computer or be up reading a book or two.

I hate having even a mild case of insomnia, but some times it just can’t be helped.  I also do not want to take anything to help me sleep, cause the one pill I do take with a sleep aid, makes me feel like hell the next day and lingers to long.  So I just read or something to wear my brain down to shut it off :).

Anyways, I am now going to head back to bed.  Sleep well to those who are still up, and have a great day for those who just woke up or are over the date and time line :).

 

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Finally after my bought of frustration the other day, I’m a little more relaxed.  I actually didn’t run into any drama over XBOX. Thank goodness, but sadly yes we can’t avoid drama for it is a part of our lives.

Penny actually behaved herself yesterday, she didn’t get to Hurricane Penny status that day and was rather relaxed and was enjoying the attention and sunning herself from time to time.  Now as for today, I haven’t seen anything yet, but then Hurricane Penny could show up out of no where and cause chaos again. LOL.  Love that furry, four legged, black and white child (kitty)  of ours 🙂 even if she can be a handful at times :).  Maybe with that big speaker almost falling on her she kind of said whoa I need to chill or not get up there any more for now. hehe :).

Well this morning I went in and got my Pro-Time checked, and it was a 2.7, which is right in the area my doctor wants it to be.  My blood sugar and the likes has been in the 120s but would be better with more sleep :).  I’ve been doing fairly well of late and my blood pressure has been like 90 something over 60 or 70 something :).

Right now I’m relaxing before I check my blood pressure before I start to eat my big breakfast with hot cakes from McDonald’s with one milk and one OJ :).  These are one of the rare occasions that I get the chance to get breakfast.  Usually after the doctor office visit :). My man is on his way into work, and hopefully it is within the time frame he said he’d be out of the office.  He did get all the work or most of the work he was working on last night done, and that’s a good thing.  He even ordered himself some breakfast so we both have breakfast to eat.  He dropped me off at home and then headed out.  🙂

I played plenty on Wizards yesterday and after I got off there with my sister last night, I got my shot and pills taken.  Sadly I got on XBOX for a little while and played for about 2 1/2 or 3 hours, then remembered, damn I have to get my Pro-Time checked in the morning, then got off there and went to bed.  Now it’s time to relax and deal with a few games on Face Book and the likes before I eat.  Until next time (when ever that will be)! 🙂

 

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Ok so now I’m frustrated to the point of crying right now.  Penny has been misbehaving today and she finally made me blow my gasket.  No I didn’t hurt her or anything, but she went and knocked off one of the big speakers in the master bedroom.

Now lets hope she learns not to do that again.  I just hope that my man will be in a good mood to deal with Hurricane Penny.  I’ve had to shut off the master bedroom to keep her out of it, now lets hope her destructive hyper active mood doesn’t wind up destroying our computer network.  I just don’t know what the hell has gotten into her this morning and I don’t even want to find out.  She’s been batting at things again and I haven’t even run my electric razor for almost a week.

I probably have everyone in the apartment building wondering what the hell that was with me yelling at her and the patio door wide open.

God give me strength to get over what ever the hell has frustrated me today.  I slept at least 8 hours yet how the hell can I be over tired again.

Maybe it was all the drama happening over xbox last night, so I’ll be avoiding it for a little while.  I SERIOUSLY HATE DRAMA.

Hell it’s also probably my horrible mood swings because I’ll be starting soon and the PMS is really going to be bad this month.  Maybe even my cycle.  Hell I don’t know any more.

I SERIOUSLY hate being like this.  I’m usually never like this PERIOD, but for some reason it’s like right there on the edge of blowing up. *sighs*

As for the drama on XBOX last night, lets just say I will not pick friends over other friends.  One friend says he doesn’t like this group cause of something they do, yet when that group I play with a few of them from that group doesn’t.  I don’t know what the hell they did to each other, but seriously folks please stop dragging me into the middle of the drama.  I like everyone I play with on there, but damn it I won’t choose over one or the other but if you don’t want to be my friend cause I’m friends with another person that you don’t like get over it ok and you can easily remove me from your list and it won’t be no skin off my nose.

I get on xbox to RELAX and have FUN not to be mean and the likes.  XBOX IS JUST A GAME CONSOLE WITH GAMES STOP TAKING THE SHIT SO DAMN SERIOUSLY! IT’S A GAME FOR FUCK SAKE GET OVER IT!!!!!!!

Anyways, I might have more to deal with later but honestly I don’t give a fuck about it and if people find my blog, especially this one bad cause of the cuss words I DO NOT CARE.  I have a right to type what I want and this is adult language in so many blogs out there it shouldn’t be no issue to ANYONE.  Free speech after all! God Bless America for that!

 

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