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Archive for the ‘Language (CUSSING)’ Category

Damn it’s been 2 years since I posted anything to this blog.  Well not much has been around to talk about.  I am still with my man, who is now transitioning into a woman, and we have been together going on 9 years this year.

I will tell everyone this right here and right now.  I have been accepting of Erbo, transitioning to Amy for 4 going on 5 years now, and IF ANYONE posts a comment that is degrading and what not I will block you from posting again on my web page and do the same with any name you come back with to do this.  I say this to you,  ya’ll can go fuck yourselves cause that’s how I feel about ANYONE degrading people who transgender.

My goddaughter is also transgender so get over yourselves and keep your religious shit to yourself.  Yes I’m a Christian, but I am not an EXTREMIST like most of them out there.  I have been saved and baptized and I know where I am going and I know it ain’t hell, which is where the extremists will be going.

I’m a very spiritual person, and I see people for people and who they are and what their heart and soul is.  I don’t care what gender they be, what race they be or whatever.  We all came from the same people, the same being and so forth.  Just get over yourselves and you can live your life as you want, but don’t drag that shit into my blog by comments.

Anyways, I’m done with my soap box and all :).  I’m just still healthy and so is my better half and we still love each other to death.  I fell in love with the person not their gender.  Take care everyone and have a great day.

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I’m sorry about not keeping things going here.  Just life in general gets very busy for me and usually I have nothing really to really write about. 🙂

Well here’s a few things:

My health is still the same and I’m staying healthy to the best of my ability. My asthma is in good control and my protime or NRI is doing great and the diabetes is the only thing being stubborn even though I’ve lost weight, it just doesn’t want to give up it’s foot hold, but you know, I’m still walking and breathing and eventually the diabetes will give up it’s hold, I just have to keep doing whatever it is I’m doing to help get it there.

My sister finally got her book out there and has had a number of her books bought, and she has even been asked to write the rest of her life story by a few people that have bought her book :).  I hope she does, cause her life is very interesting compared to mine :), but just to give a heads up, if anyone goes to Amazon.com and looks up “Don’t Cry Broken Angel” be prepared for some rather graphic reading and it’s all true.

We bought our godsons/nephews their own xbox one for Christmas this year with a some games so that when I’m on the xbox one and on one of those games, then they can join me in play.

I also saved up over $1000 to build myself a brand new system, I’ve named it Phoenix and have retired my old machine, Kaliska, which will be used for a new and better updated server for our family minecraft, in hopes that it will be less laggy then what we have for that right now since Delenn is used as more of a mail server for my fiance’s comcast mail gathering and a few other things.

Erbo (Eric) and I have been together for 7 years and are still going strong.  We still have minor political arguments and a few other arguments, but you know; lol, that’s just us.  We are still very much in love and very happy with each other :).  We take care of each other and I am slowly getting back into cooking home meals from time to time so we don’t always have to bring home take out.

Penny, our little kitty, is doing fine and still healthy and well loved and she returns the love 10 fold.  She’s a wonderful and very loving pet, and we still think of her as our child, though she is a black kitty with a touch of white on her belly and chest and has four legs and meows and purrs instead of talking back or talking :).

My dad is doing great over in Illinois and we keep in contact as much as possible :).  I’ll most likely soon enough be saving up to get him a new computer that he can pick up at Best Buy and what not.  The one he has, had finally given up the ghost, but then he won’t get it until his birthday come July.  I’m putting money aside right now to help pay off the card that Erbo used to get the boys their Christmas presents.  Hopefully that won’t be to long :).

My mom and step-dad are doing well as well.  They are both healthy and my step-dad still drives those 18 wheelers.  Mom has semi-retired from driving the big trucks cause of some of her health issues, but other then that they are both doing well.

I had a shock last year just before Christmas.  I ended up getting a Christmas card from my brother and his girlfriend and her family for Christmas.  I was like oh my really.  It’s about time my brother found someone who can put up with his shit and keep him in line :).  Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother to bits, but it’s best that we stay apart, but it’s nice to hear from him from time to time cause at least then I know he’s doing fine.  As for his health, I have no clue, but I hope it has improved since I last seen him a few years back when Eric and I went to Illinois to visit dad for his birthday.  We also went and seen mom and my step-dad and a few other family members, including my Aunt in Arkansas.

As for the rest of my time so far, it’s been playing minecraft, trying to continue to write books, playing on the xbox and on Second Life.  Sadly my creative juices are kind of blocked right now and it’s hard for me to try to write or build things, so I play on the xbox and facebook and listen to my music in hopes that some day soon enough I’ll be able to get back to the writing and being creative again, but until then I’ll do what ever I can do to have fun and such.

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As I sit here in front of my computer, and look through Facebook.  I notice some things about my life as I was growing up.  The main thought is, Why was I picked on while growing up?

I have no answer to this, cause seriously, from the time I started school until I graduated high school, I was always picked on and made fun of.  I never in my life from Daycare days to graduating high school, NEVER picked on anyone at all.  I never called any of my classmates names, and I never picked on them.  I was always smiling and telling people good luck and best wishes and everything, yet some of my classmates picked on me and called me names.

Back then I never really let people know that I was hurting inside and such cause of all the picking on and name calling me they did.  I finally shut down in high school and just tried my best to ignore the hurt and pain I was feeling as they continued to pick on me and such.  My life growing up, at least through school, was hard, very hard on me.  I had very and I mean VERY few friends, cause all the others that picked on me never really became my friends.  I’m a friendly person at least until someone pushes the right buttons and I get pissed off then, but I never once went off on any of the ones picking on me while in school.

I knew though that it would be my luck that if I did, I’d be the one most likely to be suspended or something, but I honestly don’t know for sure if that would have happened, but I avoided causing any problems cause I know it could get me in trouble.  I was paddled in middle school, and I honestly don’t remember why that even happened, but after that nothing, but I was still being picked on.  So basically I just shut myself down in high school and tried to mainly concentrate on my band, working in the library, and my other classes.  I still barely passed in many of my classes, but at least I did pass and I did graduate.  I felt finally FREE of the harassment and the picking on and name calling.  I went to college graduated from one, that shut down, but didn’t graduate from the other, just cause I couldn’t afford it any more and I had gotten really sick and I felt my health was better then the stress.  I thankfully was never made fun of or talked about or picked on in college or at least I don’t think I was and if I was they kept it out of my hearing and such.

Anyways, most of my pain and hurt and anger I was feeling, I’d put into over 300+ poems.  I’d wrote them and then put them on computer and sadly I lost ALL of them and my 3 stories I’d written in a major HD Crash and it was unrecoverable.  It sucked that I’d lost years up on years of writing and was unable to recover the stuff.  I will never get over losing that stuff, but at least from time to time I still try to write when I can.  I have a better life now then I did back then.  I’m with the man I love very much and living with him.  He tries his best to keep me happy and that is often, but then there are times like this or other times that my past slips in and causes a depression, but thankfully that depression doesn’t happen long, cause of the GREAT friends I have now.  I also live in the beautiful state of Colorado and the mountains and country side here are always breathtaking.  I no longer live in Arkansas where my old life was, I was able to get my dad back up to Illinois to live with his family, so I wouldn’t have to worry so much about him any more.

My mom is fine and also lives in Illinois along with my stepfather.  My brother well, not much I have to say about him, I just want him to be happy and no where near me.  I love him yes but we tend to get along better when we are separated and apart.  It’s for the best this way and only seeing each other every now and then.  We were always fighting and that just made me feel even worse as I was growing up, so combining that with the picking on and name calling at school, I was never stress free.  I was always stressed out to the point that I would literally walk home from school after school is let out.  I would take long walks just to think or cry or whatever before I got home.  I was always walking around Arkadelphia and continued to do walking when I could before my health got really bad.

Hell I remember the days when I could do a lot of swimming, biking, walking, hiking and more.  I remember hiking up and down West Mountain and Hot Springs Mountain.  I remember swimming in Degray Lake and other places.  I remember riding my bike all over the place, down to my aunt’s or cousins or something, just to get away from the every day stress of life.  It was the only way I could feel free and think or even work out my frustrations.

Sadly now a days, since my health is as it is, I can’t really do that much any more.  I have to get on Xbox or some other computer game to kill or shot things or something to work out my frustration and sometimes that’s not even wise, especially on Xbox.  Other players out there start shit talking and it pisses me off, especially when they are shit talking and picking on my friends that I’m playing with.  I now tell them what for.  I find it funny, but then I start noticing I’m just getting ticked off more and my blood pressure goes up.  I am much better off when I’m in a party chat cause then I don’t have to hear what the others are saying and I keep my cool until I’ve been playing to long and I start getting mad even in party chat. Lol that’s when I know it’s time to call it quits for the night or day depending on what time it is, mostly night.

I do however still write when I need to and such, though it’s not often.  I usually just go lie down and go to sleep.

Well I don’t have much else to say, so I’m going to end this post here. I feel a lot better typing this out and posting it.  🙂

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Ok i recently played on ghost for my xbox 360 about a week or so ago now, and I got pissed off at some people and they STARTED it so I cussed them out and such.  It wasn’t even at other clan members, but apparently someone made a copy of Kronos’ video that involved it and edited it out some things.

I watched the video and I find it funny as hell, but I think some of our former clan members took offense and I say this.  I stood back for so long of my life and never really defended myself back in high school when I was bullied and made fun of.  I just let it happen, well guess what people, I’ve grown up and I will no longer stand back and let people walk all over me.  When people piss me off I DO NOT MINCE WORDS and tell them what for.  Many of the people in the clan I play with know how I am and shouldn’t complain about it.

Some have left so what, don’t care they just need to get over it.

I know longer play ghost or any call of duty games any more, cause I’ve gotten tired of the trash talkers, the modders, the cheaters and the hackers.  They’ve ruined those games for me now.  If I ever do play Ghost again it’ll be on my XBox One, but even that’s iffy right now.  The games I’ll be getting for my xbone will be Battlefield 4, Destiny and then last COD: Ghosts.

Once I get my xbone, don’t expect to see me much on my 360 and the only time I would be getting on my 360 will be to play GTA 5.

Anyways, I’m done ranting and raving about things.  I’m getting off here for the night so good night and sleep well, and I hope everyone has a great day tomorrow.

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Ok you know what really pisses me the fuck off.  It’s the stupid people out there threatening to shut down Walmart by Black Friday, just cause of the way Walmart hires and pays their people.

You people are so fucking STUPID.  You aren’t thinking about anyone but yourself and FUCK YOU.  You think you are so much BETTER then start your own fucking company up and start hiring people to work, BUT to threaten to SHUT DOWN a major company that gives people jobs to have money to pay their BILLS and to put FOOD on the TABLE for their kids and to put CLOTHES on these kids, and to KEEP A ROOF over their heads. IT is just FUCKING STUPID!!!

Trying to shut down a company cause of their paying methods or INFERIOR what ever the FUCK is just stupid!!! You are fucking putting people OUT OF WORK JUST BEFORE FUCKING CHRISTMAS and in TODAY’S FUCKING ECONOMY! You are STUPID STUPID STUPID!!!!

We are already fucking in deep with UNEMPLOYMENT around the whole fucking USA cause of the government! And you want to shut down a company WHO ARE GIVING PEOPLE JOBS! A company that I know of DID NOT TAKE GOVERNMENT MONEY to keep a float.

Well wake your sorry excuse of asses UP and think of the BIG BIG FUCKING PICTURE HERE! Do you SERIOUSLY want to shut down a company that has JOBS while other companies DO NOT! DO YOU SERIOUSLY WANT MORE PEOPLE UNEMPLOYED AND UNABLE TO FEED THEIR KIDS AND ALL?

You fucking NEED TO THINK and YOU ARE NOT!  You better STOP and RETHINK what you are doing, in TODAY’S ECONOMY.  With the UNEMPLOYMENT the WORST it has been since the GREAT DEPRESSION.

THINK YOU DUMB ASSES THINK!

That is all and I feel better in posting this.  Pardon the language cause people that is ONE way to SERIOUSLY PISS ME THE FUCK OFF.  Especially when it deals with people and families that are struggling to keep a roof over their heads, food on the table and clothing on their back and their kids as well.   Also you are threatening to shut down a company who has places that PEOPLE CAN AFFORD to get food, prescriptions and all to people in areas where their is no other place to get this stuff.  THINK BEFORE YOU TRY to shut down a business that is giving people JOBS to pay their bills and food and clothing.

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Who out there has the balls to ask the following question at the Presidential Debate tonight here in Denver.  If I enjoyed going to the stuff I sure as hell would, but I can’t stand the politicians out there.

The question is: DO YOU REALLY CARE ABOUT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE?

I won’t listen to the bullshit that spews forth from any politicians lips.  They will need to SERIOUSLY think about that question and REALLY look into their hearts to answer that. No Politician is seeing the true suffereing that is happening to the PEOPLE of the UNITED STATES.  All they can think about is filling their pockets and those of their corporate hounds with money.  They don’t HONESTLY care for the PEOPLE of the UNITED STATES.  All they see is the green of the money and the greed.

I’d LOVE to see all the politicians cut their salaries and TRY and LIVE on the salaries of what most of the PEOPLE in the UNITED STATES lives on, and I don’t mean those who live off the state with food stamps and the likes.  But those who are ACTUALLY WORKING.  They should also WALK in the shoes of those who are poor and living in the Poverty areas of the UNITED STATES and not worry about those across the world.  The PEOPLE of the UNITED STATES should come first, not politicians or the world, but the PEOPLE who live in the UNITED STATES, the CITIZENS of the UNITED STATES.

I’m not a fan of either candidate, especially of those who are ROBBING the CITIZENS and we ain’t talking about the CHURCH but the PEOPLE, also the CHURCH needs to STAY OUT OF POLITICS as well cause they are seriously FUCKING up the way the government is run and TRYING to push THEIR ways onto the PEOPLE instead of ALLOWING the PEOPLE to choose THEIR OWN WAY OF LIVING of going to church or not or if they marry man or woman.  WE ARE NOT PERFECT! If we were then this world and the PEOPLE would be nothing but ROBOTS and ANDROIDS.

Anyways, back to the candidates.  Each one of them do HAVE their flaws, but they don’t need to put those flaws on the PEOPLES shoulders, while just sitting back and letting the PEOPLE suffer.  We don’t need a candidate who want’s to put the country in more debt, and WE sure as hell don’t need a candidate that wants to harm things like Social Security, Planned Parenthood and more.  Things that have been around for DECADES.  All was good until the new age of Politicians got into office and started fucking up everything and spending more instead of WORKING to spend LESS.  Social Security would still be strong if the new age of politicians hadn’t got their grubby hands on the money when they went into office and decided to just spend spend spend, instead of THINKING how to keep it going and making the PEOPLE suffer all the more.

So yeah DO THEY REALLY CARE ABOUT THE PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES OR JUST THEMSELVES?  I say NO they do not really care for the PEOPLE but THEMSELVES and THEIR DEEP POCKETS.

 

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You know it seriously sucks, when out of the blue you are suddenly depressed and don’t know what the hell caused it.

Well that happened to me just before midnight.  I got off the XBOX feeling like shit and I hadn’t done nothing to feel like it.

I think it dealt with a friend of mine friends that caused it.  They muted me and didn’t want to hear me talking to my friend while I was visiting with him on Minecraft, and not long after he left to go to the store for his mother to get something I was booted from the party.  I didn’t do nothing to these people ok.  Anyways it makes me feel like my friend doesn’t want to talk or anything to me now, but I know that isn’t true, but it still hurts when you went to talk to a person you hadn’t talked to in a while and get that done to you.  I guess that could have been where it started.

Then after getting off XBOX feeling depressed and on the verge of crying, I come into the bedroom and had to gently wake my man up to move over so I could be on the bed with him, and he decided to go into the living room and give me the bed.  I know he didn’t mean to do that and that he didn’t know that I was in a slightly depressed mood, but there has been a lot going on for us lately, with the car tag issues and getting lists and plans done for our vacation to visit my family in Arkansas and Illinois.

I just don’t know what he and I can do together any more really, and I’m beginning to wonder if I’m starting to smother him because I DO want to spend time with him doing things online or together.  I just don’t know what to do any more in that area.  I love him to death and I think my loving him to much is smothering and I can’t help that it winds up like that.  It sometimes makes me wonder if I should ever be involved in relationships if I wind up getting smothering and such.  That’s how I lost my first love, was because I was smothering him with love.  I try not to do it but it happens anyways and I hope I don’t lose the man I’m with now cause of the same thing.

Gah I SERIOUSLY hate feeling depressed and like I DONE something WRONG to feel like this and everything.  I just wish there was a way other then freaking prescription drugs to deal with it.

I mean the depression doesn’t happen often, but it just sneaks up on me out of the blue and I HATE IT!  I wish there was no such thing as depression, but thankfully with this depression, I’m not feeling suicidal like I was back in high school, but I’m still depressed and feeling useless and unwanted.  I know it will go away, but at this moment it’s just hanging right under the surface waiting to burst or explode out like a sleeping volcano that has finally decided to blow it’s top.

Depression is such a pain in the ass and needs to go away, but we all already know that it never will go away cause it’s a part of our daily lives here on this planet in our world and has been there for Lord knows how long, so we can’t escape it even if we try. *sighs*

Well I do feel a little better getting this off my chest and out of my mind, maybe I’ll feel much better after I rest and wake up in the morning.  I’m going to go back and do a few more cryptograms and then call it quits for the night.  Have a good night, good day, good evening, good afternoon or good morning, where ever you live out there in our world.

 

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