Archive for February, 2012

I’m not talking about the games people play on each other here :). I’m talking about XBOX 360 games and online :).

Recently you’ve seen a post on my fiancee’s blog http://www.erbosoft.com/blog/  (his blog is in my blogroll called From The Erbo Files) talking about the games I’ve been known to play from Wizard101 to Modern Warfare 3 and last but not least Fable III.

Yes I’m a game junky at times, especially those dealing with XBOX.  I love playing games to pass my time with all the great friends and family I have out there.

Well last night my sis and I got involved in playing Need For Speed’s Hot Pursuit.  We all know it was in it’s hay days back in the years when it belonged to the NES.  You couldn’t get me off the thing and I had a blast all the time playing it.

Well we got into playing it over XBOX Live last night and ran into some good people on there and have added them to our friends list.  There are so many good people out there on XBOX Live it’s hard to find them at time, but when you are just playing for fun and enjoying yourself, you do wind up finding people who enjoy the same thing.

To many people out there take the games way to seriously and tend to ruin all the fun for those who just enjoy playing for fun and the likes. To many people who will complain about people killing them by cheating when the people they are complaining about aren’t cheating.  I do not mode any of my stuff.  I get my ranks and the likes the hard way with plenty of play time and plenty of work.  Yes I bitch from time to time, but usually it is about those who actually are modding and the likes.  They just LOVE ruining the games for others to play.  I’d rather play for fun then not play at all you know.

I started playing XBOX Live and XBOX 360 4 years ago.  I started out with Halo 2 or Halo 3 and went on to play Halo: ODST and Halo Reach.  From there I discovered Modern Warfare 2 (MW2 to many) and then followed closely by Modern Warfare 3 (MW3).  There are other games I played that I didn’t like to well like Cale Of Duty: Black Ops.  The only fun game to me on that game is playing zombies.

When I found out that Need For Speed Hot Pursuit was coming out on XBOX 360 I wanted it instantly.  It’s just as good if not better then the original NFSHP.  The games themselves on XBOX 360 are addictive as hell.  You say oh I’ll playing just one more and next thing you know the sun is rising and you’ve played well over a dozen or more times, especially when you get with some good people and are having fun. 🙂

So listen if you have an XBOX 360 and some games give it a spin.  Hopefully you’ll enjoy it, if you don’t run into those who ruin the fun by cheating.  There are also issues with some people picking on people for the way they sound, especially when the guys find out it’s a female playing the game.  Hopefully you can get over it and just ignore the assholes that are on there to ruin all the fun and just have fun.  Hopefully you’ll find the right people, that just like you enjoy playing the games and don’t take them seriously.

Enjoy when you do!

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The Wind

Today’s forecast for the Denver area is plenty of sunshine and WIND.

Yes it’s windy as hell here.  I’m going to try and take a nap if the howling winds that are gusting higher then 25 mph will let me as they moan and groan around our apartment complex.

It’s beautiful out there but man that wind can be harsh.  Well at least I can be thankful there is no snow falling right now or we wouldn’t be able to see outside our windows at all.

After all the posting I’d done earlier, I figured I’ll try and lie down and take a nap, lets hope the wind doesn’t bother me to bad :).


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Yes I finally went to college, for at least 2 years.  It was from 1994 to 1996.  I was going for office administration, but sadly was never able to complete it cause my health started getting in the way.

There were times in my life, especially in the years after I graduated from high school, that I always wondered who I was and where was my life going to lead me.  I did graduate from a Technical College a couple of years down the line, but that college went belly up and nothing came of it.

It was during my college years though, posted above in the beginning, that I began to wonder who was I really? It took a number of things to get me to finally figure out where my life was to go.  It wasn’t into some grand scheme of work but it was into a life that would be a stay at home mom, but the health issue got so bad that I am unable to have children now.

I went through many relationships, 7 times engaged and 7 times dumped after the men got what they wanted and left me.  Many women feel this way about some if not most of their relationships that went sour or went south.  We were used for sex and once it was done and over with they no longer wanted you.  Well that’s what it was like for me.  After my final relationship went bad, I said fuck it and fuck all men.  I didn’t even get close to any man for over 8 years.  I had male friends, but I just didn’t want anything more from them.  I’d gotten tired of being used for just sex.  Needless to say I only had 7 sex partners all my life.

It was during all this fucked up world of mine, that I started doing some serious soul searching, trying to figure out who the hell am I? I started meditating; I started writing stories and poems about everything that came to mind.  I’d been writing poetry since I was in Junior high, but it was all handwritten at the time, but I’d finally learned how to use word perfect and them and typed all the stories and poems on the computer.  Sadly I lost all 300+ poems and the 3 stories I’d written when my hard drive crashed in 2001, that was also the year I wound up in the hospital badly ill and the last year I was with a man. Now lets get back on track shall we.  hehe.

A number of those poems dealt with the discovery of my inner soul, my very inner being.  In my heart and soul I’m Native American, but I don’t have Native American blood in me.  I don’t claim to be Native American like some people do, that’s just not right, but at least in my heart and soul I am.  I had started writing poetry that was very Native American in influence.  It dealt with Wakan Tanka and “The Great Spirit” above and many other Native American influences.  I asked who am I and what am I, and seriously I got a response to that poem via another poem that I wrote the next day.  I was an Eagle, I soared above all things, I was the link between Mother Earth and Father Sky.  I was the link in my own heart and soul.  I was free to do what I wanted to do.  I was free to believe what I wanted to believe; free to learn what I wanted to learn, and to this day I still look towards the skies and mountains and breath in the clean air and look at the beauty of life all around me, from the trees and plants to the animals and birds that make this place their home.  This is also our home, but we weren’t the first here.  It was the animals that first appeared before the humans did.  It was LIFE.

Since that day of discovery within myself, I’ve learned to love myself and what is around us as well as finally be able to LOVE truly LOVE a man, who would show up in my life 8 years after my last relationship.  I’ve also learned that I am deeply drawn to the Native Americans that live amongst us and sad that most of what they believe in was stripped from them by us.  It makes me wish for simpler days of life, where we had to survive off the land and by our wits.  We were much better off and connected to those days, but we also know that we can’t stop life from advancing, that we had to go with the flow and keep going with that flow or we would be totally left behind.

Also, Wakan Tanka, is the one true creator though just under a different name.  Without him/her we’d still be nothing but dust in space. I hope that this is correct way of thinking, and again I do not want to offend anyone, but this is after all my way of thinking and my thoughts.

I am just very happy that in the mid 90s that I was finally able to become at peace with my heart and soul and am very happy to be where I am today, with the man I love.  I am very happy he was brought into my life when I needed him the most.  If he hadn’t come into my life when he did, there is no telling where I would be right now.  My life has changed in the 4 years that we have been together.  Changed to the point that I am trying my best to get back into my writing, to try and get my story ideas written, and maybe one day sale them.  I am also working on poems that come to mind.  I am trying to get back what I truly lost in 2001, when I lost everything I wrote to a hard drive crash.  Who knows maybe one day I will actually have a book of some type being sold to those who want to read the stories I write, but until then; I am expressing myself via my blog to get my writing ability up to par.


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My Life

You know compared to some out there my childhood and life are rather DULL.  I’d never thought of it that way until now.

Yes I had a few ups and downs during my life, but my childhood was one of those downward flows.  You see I was overweight, and still am today, but back then when you are a child and you are bullied constantly cause you are overweight, it can be very painful.

I am very thankful that it didn’t drive me to do something stupid and silly like oh say suicide, but there were defininently  a few times I did think of that, especially after my first love dumped me after a year we were going together.  Yes I understand now that the way I acted was oh I’d say clingy I guess, was cause he was the first real person who treated me like any other person.  He didn’t treat me like I was overweight, but just as a person.  One who needed a good friend to talk to and hang out with.  It wasn’t his fault I guess that I turned out that way, but anyone who’d been bullied, insulted, made fun of all their young life when they were finally able to walk and talk until all the way through high school, they’d react most likely the same way.  Now don’t anyone out there disagree, we all know that peer pressure is horrible, even to the children out there today.  We seen the teen pregnancy and the teen suicides go up over there years, because of this peer pressure.

Anyways, sorry lol, got off track, now where was I.  Oh yeah my childhood and the hell I went through from all the bullies out there, and yes you all know who you are out there.  I hope though that with age and with your own children out there that you improved and taught your children better, but we also know that no matter what someone will digress back towards their bully stage and even their children will pick up and learn that hey dad or mom is making fun of those people and their kids why can’t we and follow in their footsteps.  I guess it can’t be helped but I hope against hope that it can be.

Being overweight and acting differently and being smarter then some kids and better then other kids in sports can get you bullied.  I never once, that I remember growing up and until this day, have never once bullied anyone.  I knew it wasn’t right to do so.  People can’t help for how they are and how they act and look.  We all have our issues and insecurities, but do you REALLY need to put those issues and insecurities onto others because you have no other way to do it, so you bully them and don’t let up until finally that person says, “Fuck you all and starts completely ignoring your bullying asses.”  I was one of those kids, who finally said enough was enough in high school and started ignoring each and everyone of those who bullied me.  I stuck to my classes, even though I graduated average in my class, at least I graduated from high school for the best of my abilities.  I ignored, stuck to my classes and stuck to playing in the band.  I really didn’t care what chair I got in band and was happy to just be able to play in the band and do what some kids only dreamed they could when going to school with learning abilities and issues; to my way of issues is being overweight and the ugly fat kid *shrugs*.

Well I might still be overweight, but I’ve started working on that issues, since I’ve been diagnosed as having type 2 diabetes, most of this was brought onto me because of my health issues and almost dieing from bleeding constantly for  6 years, and then having been put on some medicines that cause blood clots and the likes to hit me and add more weight to what I already had.  I finally said screw it when it was getting to the point that I could hardly walk cause I’d gained way to much pounds.  I had gained an extra 100 pounds cause of this medicine I was on, and once I finally got off that medicine, I started doing better.

When I moved here to Denver 4 years ago, I was over 400 pounds, now I’m down to 315 pounds and still losing it, slowly but surely.  I am now able to walk better, I can actually climb in and out of the bathtub finally with no help, but I still have breathing issues and joint issues. I am also still diabetic, but hopefully that will eventually go away once I get down to the weight I need to be, but who knows.  All I’m saying is that be happy for who you are and what you are.  Be happy and THANKFUL that you are alive at your age instead of buried 6 feet under, like some of our classmates we went to school with.  Just be THANKFUL that you are alive and well and are HAPPY with YOURSELF not what others think of you.

Even today I bet I’d still be bullied and made fun of cause I’m overweight still, but you know what, I DO NOT care.  I’m happy with myself, I love myself, I have a life that I love, and a wonderful man who has brought nothing but cherish, love and happiness into my life, he also spoils me rotten and he LOVES me for who I am INSIDE not on the outside.

Come on people, get over yourselves and be happy with your life and LIVE, be happy that you are still ALIVE and not dead.  You’ve had broken marriages and bad relationships.  Learn to LOVE yourself and others will follow.  Don’t let it keep you down.  Pick yourself up off that ground and floor and keep going forward in life.  Life is just to short to let it drag you down.  You need to take control of your life, not let others control you.  That’s not what life is all about.  Life is about being alive and happy with yourself.

For those who still bully others because they are different, grow up will you.  You aren’t controlling your life you are ruining it for yourself and are letting things control your way of thought instead of thinking for yourself.

My childhood sucked, but damn I got over it fast when I just finally had enough of the bullshit from others.  Back then I couldn’t tell people what I thought of them, cause I was doing the right thing and not egging it on, also back in our days we got severely punished in school if we even said one foul word to others. I wanted to tell all the bullies out there, many times, to fuck off and live your own life and leave me alone in peace, but I was raised better then that.

Now though it feels good, though it is many years to late, to tell you what I actually think of you all.  You now know how I felt about those who bullied me.  I feel better now getting this off my chest, for I’ve been holding it in way way to long.

OK I’m done with my ranting and raving for now.  Later all :).  Come back for some more ranting and raving and individual thoughts if you wish.

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You know I’ve read a number of stories out there that are blogged about, and I shudder at how that person’s life had been in the past, but have learned that, that person’s life is much better now then what was in the past.

I’m thankful for my life that I have had and am very grateful to learn how life could have been if I hadn’t listened and done what I was told or that I was mistreated by people.

It puts my tame life to shame to see what others have been through.

I wish I could have known things about some people and try to help them, but God seems to lead us all in different directions but they all come full circle for much better lives that they lead now.

Some people though never really learned from their past mistakes and continue to make the same ones over, while others do learn and try to make their lives better and work towards it.

It’s called age and wisdom, the older a person gets the more they look over their pasts and say “There are some things I would never change in my life, but there are some things that I wish I could have done better in the past.”

It’s hard to put a lot of their past life aggressions and what happened to them down in a blog, but you know they have finally reached that time in their life that they want to hopefully make a different in another persons life to show them that they have a better life ahead of them to go one way and try their best to avoid the other path.

God has given us many faults that we have to look through and learn from and then maybe finally we will understand what our lives are here for, but then there are people out there that really don’t understand the way some people live.

I don’t mean to offend anyone with this post, cause I know many different religions are out there and teach their followers differently.  I’m Christian and proud of it.  I might not go to church, cause the churches I went to when I was younger were much better then they are now.  The churches I went to back in my childhood days wasn’t so screwed up as some of them are today.

I went back to a church that when I was younger had a lot of people involved and we actually talked about the correct things.  I rediscovered the church when I moved back to that town, but it wasn’t the same.  It seems that my church had broken into two different factions, and I discovered that this wasn’t the same.  How did I discover this you might ask?

Well simply put my original church actually talked about God and never ONCE pulled a stunt like bringing politics into the conversation.  The church I thought was the old turned out to be the new side and when the preacher said something about President Bush (the second President Bush), he said something along this line, if President Bush went to church YOU should also go to church as well.

Well after that I never returned back to that church and will never go back to another church again UNLESS they never brought up POLITICS like that one did.  It turned me off completely, cause I’m in the mind that Politics should NEVER be mixed with Church.  They are TWO VERY SEPARATE beings in my mind and it just ruined my going back to church ever again; I honestly don’t think there are churches out there that don’t have politics involved in our world today.

I’m a Christian, I’ve been saved and baptized.  I KNOW where I am going and NO ONE needs to ever tell me other wise, so if you don’t like this post I’m sorry but this is my opinion on some things that I feel strongly about.  I will never ever push this belief on anyone who doesn’t want to know it or get to know it.  I do read my bible and I do pray, especially when I’m sick and worried about if I’m going to get better.  I pray for other people who are ill and hope that all will be good in the end.  We will ALL die eventually, no matter what religion or beliefs we have, we ALL go back to the earth from wince we came.

God Bless everyone out there and I hope your lives improve or are for the better, for you pulled yourself out of the deep dark areas that your lives were mostly by sheer will power to survive and live and make things better for yourself and those you love. 🙂


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Ok everyone basically knows we have a kitty.  Her name is Penny :).

Anyways, apparently this kitty was trying to wake up two people who sleep soundly cause someone forgot to check her dish before they went to bed.

I thought from time to time I was hearing her pounce on our bedroom door, which she usually does to either want attention or is complaining that her food dish is empty :).

Well apparently this round of door pouncing didn’t wake us up.  I finally wake up and climb out of the bed just after 2 p.m., so yes I’ve not been up long and I’m typing this.

I come into the living room and low and behold, just shy of the hallway, I see the cat good bag of Purina Indoor cat lying on it’s side with a nicely chewed hole in it. LMAO

It seems that Penny got impatient with her humans and decided to feed herself by eating out of the bag LMAO!  I’m not very happy with the discovery but defininently you can tell that before we adopted her she was use to fending for herself while she was on the street. 🙂

So I put food in her dish and poured the rest into the container that has her hairball control food in it and throw the sack away.  Now lets see if next time she gets it in her loveable ornary head of trying to get food again.  I just hope that mixing those two feed won’t make her stick her nose up at the food she apparently likes more then the other, but how the hell else can we keep the food safe from bugs and Penny when she gets hungry :).

We love our Penny even if she can be a toot girl from time to time.

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Wow.  It turned out to be a very beautiful and slightly warm day here in Denver.  There is a wind as well but oh my does it ever feel good to feel the nice wind blowing through the patio screen and the temp feels much warmer then it actually is.  I have no clue what the temp was, but I think we might have actually gotten into the 60’s today.  It’s right now 57 out there and feeling good!  Now that’s just hinting at a wonderful spring when it finally hits.  Then sadly I’ll have to deal with my outdoor allergies and indoor allergies at the same time, but I’m prepared for it.

Right now I’m just dealing with my indoor allergies from dust to pet dander flying around, but have already taken an allergy pill for it.  I still can not wait for full blown Spring to show up.  My fiancee will probably take me for a drive up in the mountains if the snow isn’t still around in to many places :).  I just can’t wait, but I have to.  La sigh.

Anyways, the sky is bright blue here in Denver with a nice wind blowing and plenty of sunshine and warmth :).  I enjoy these days so much better then the gloomy grey sky and clouds :).  I hope everyone elses weather turns out just as beautiful as it has here.  We are sadly though expecting more snow possibly on Monday :).  Oh well.  Stick around long enough in Colorado and the weather will change in minutes :).

Until later and enjoy the beautiful days and nights :).


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