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As I sit here in front of my computer, and look through Facebook.  I notice some things about my life as I was growing up.  The main thought is, Why was I picked on while growing up?

I have no answer to this, cause seriously, from the time I started school until I graduated high school, I was always picked on and made fun of.  I never in my life from Daycare days to graduating high school, NEVER picked on anyone at all.  I never called any of my classmates names, and I never picked on them.  I was always smiling and telling people good luck and best wishes and everything, yet some of my classmates picked on me and called me names.

Back then I never really let people know that I was hurting inside and such cause of all the picking on and name calling me they did.  I finally shut down in high school and just tried my best to ignore the hurt and pain I was feeling as they continued to pick on me and such.  My life growing up, at least through school, was hard, very hard on me.  I had very and I mean VERY few friends, cause all the others that picked on me never really became my friends.  I’m a friendly person at least until someone pushes the right buttons and I get pissed off then, but I never once went off on any of the ones picking on me while in school.

I knew though that it would be my luck that if I did, I’d be the one most likely to be suspended or something, but I honestly don’t know for sure if that would have happened, but I avoided causing any problems cause I know it could get me in trouble.  I was paddled in middle school, and I honestly don’t remember why that even happened, but after that nothing, but I was still being picked on.  So basically I just shut myself down in high school and tried to mainly concentrate on my band, working in the library, and my other classes.  I still barely passed in many of my classes, but at least I did pass and I did graduate.  I felt finally FREE of the harassment and the picking on and name calling.  I went to college graduated from one, that shut down, but didn’t graduate from the other, just cause I couldn’t afford it any more and I had gotten really sick and I felt my health was better then the stress.  I thankfully was never made fun of or talked about or picked on in college or at least I don’t think I was and if I was they kept it out of my hearing and such.

Anyways, most of my pain and hurt and anger I was feeling, I’d put into over 300+ poems.  I’d wrote them and then put them on computer and sadly I lost ALL of them and my 3 stories I’d written in a major HD Crash and it was unrecoverable.  It sucked that I’d lost years up on years of writing and was unable to recover the stuff.  I will never get over losing that stuff, but at least from time to time I still try to write when I can.  I have a better life now then I did back then.  I’m with the man I love very much and living with him.  He tries his best to keep me happy and that is often, but then there are times like this or other times that my past slips in and causes a depression, but thankfully that depression doesn’t happen long, cause of the GREAT friends I have now.  I also live in the beautiful state of Colorado and the mountains and country side here are always breathtaking.  I no longer live in Arkansas where my old life was, I was able to get my dad back up to Illinois to live with his family, so I wouldn’t have to worry so much about him any more.

My mom is fine and also lives in Illinois along with my stepfather.  My brother well, not much I have to say about him, I just want him to be happy and no where near me.  I love him yes but we tend to get along better when we are separated and apart.  It’s for the best this way and only seeing each other every now and then.  We were always fighting and that just made me feel even worse as I was growing up, so combining that with the picking on and name calling at school, I was never stress free.  I was always stressed out to the point that I would literally walk home from school after school is let out.  I would take long walks just to think or cry or whatever before I got home.  I was always walking around Arkadelphia and continued to do walking when I could before my health got really bad.

Hell I remember the days when I could do a lot of swimming, biking, walking, hiking and more.  I remember hiking up and down West Mountain and Hot Springs Mountain.  I remember swimming in Degray Lake and other places.  I remember riding my bike all over the place, down to my aunt’s or cousins or something, just to get away from the every day stress of life.  It was the only way I could feel free and think or even work out my frustrations.

Sadly now a days, since my health is as it is, I can’t really do that much any more.  I have to get on Xbox or some other computer game to kill or shot things or something to work out my frustration and sometimes that’s not even wise, especially on Xbox.  Other players out there start shit talking and it pisses me off, especially when they are shit talking and picking on my friends that I’m playing with.  I now tell them what for.  I find it funny, but then I start noticing I’m just getting ticked off more and my blood pressure goes up.  I am much better off when I’m in a party chat cause then I don’t have to hear what the others are saying and I keep my cool until I’ve been playing to long and I start getting mad even in party chat. Lol that’s when I know it’s time to call it quits for the night or day depending on what time it is, mostly night.

I do however still write when I need to and such, though it’s not often.  I usually just go lie down and go to sleep.

Well I don’t have much else to say, so I’m going to end this post here. I feel a lot better typing this out and posting it.  🙂

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Together time is good time for hundreds of people.  All I know is that it is like 5:34 in the morning and I’m wide awake.  I guess that comes with the territory of falling asleep at 10 p.m. only waking long enough to take your medications and then just rolling back over and falling asleep until your man comes to bed about 4 or 5 in the morning when he has to be up in a couple of hours to go to work.

My man was sick yesterday, and still is but sounds much better then he did yesterday after he slept all day yesterday.  Thank goodness the company he works for is understanding compared to some companies out there and the ones he worked before finding this job.  I hope and pray they continue to be understanding and doesn’t decide to lay him off work, cause this would be the worst thing to do AGAIN just before Christmas and cause he’s been sick.  That’s assholes for you, but then I guess some companies can’t help but be assholes, if all they worry about is making money instead of the people that work for them.  If they was that worried, they most likely shouldn’t have even started a business and that’s the way I see things.

Anyways, we went to the company party two nights ago and it was fun and nice.  The company definitely cares about their people a lot, and that’s good ethics in my books.  The food was great, but at least it kept room in my stomach for something later LOL.  Anyways, the company was great, cause we all got to get together and just talk about stuff that didn’t even deal with work, but with life :).  A lot of the same people that sat with us last year also sat with us this year and it was just awesome.  We talked about all sorts of things from the online games we played to just talk :).  This is the most socializing Erbo and I get involved with every year :).  We still have our other friends, but to get involved in such a big group to just talk and have fun is wonderful even if it is once twice or three times a year. 🙂

As a matter of fact we are getting together with another group of friends this Saturday.  We are going down to the Springs to get together with our writing (Author) friends.  Yes we know some actual writers and the books I have read of theirs so far are pretty awesome.  I’m actually going to be reading the newest book by the host of the party starting today some time :).

Also the thing about this time of the year, there is a lot of people, friends and family getting together just to enjoy the company.  It is after all December and Christmas just right around the corner :).  The time for giving is always a good time to get together and enjoy peoples company.

I wish everyone out there a Merry Christmas, Happy Holiday and more! Bless us all!

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Pain

I seriously hate being in PAIN.

My right lower back is hurting and I have NO clue how I hurt it. Maybe it was from moving that solid oak coffee table EVEN AFTER it was cleaned off or something, but it’s been nagging me all day and now tonight.
I went looking for my roll-on non-messy aspercreme  and we couldn’t find it so he has gone off in hopes of finding it himself.  He found the cream but not the other yet.  Hope they have it.  He needs to ask an associate at walmart about it if he thinks of doing that.

Nope he can’t find it so he needs to go to a 24 hour walgreens i KNOW it is out there.  We bought some of it when we was on vacation.

I seriously hate having back pain that just won’t let me get comfortable.  Or joint pain in paticular.  I think it’s this new front coming in that is causing issues, cause even my sister is having issues with her Fibro because of it.  Seriously we both HATE being in pain.

I’m hoping this won’t be an on going thing cause seriously it SUCKS.

 

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Who out there has the balls to ask the following question at the Presidential Debate tonight here in Denver.  If I enjoyed going to the stuff I sure as hell would, but I can’t stand the politicians out there.

The question is: DO YOU REALLY CARE ABOUT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE?

I won’t listen to the bullshit that spews forth from any politicians lips.  They will need to SERIOUSLY think about that question and REALLY look into their hearts to answer that. No Politician is seeing the true suffereing that is happening to the PEOPLE of the UNITED STATES.  All they can think about is filling their pockets and those of their corporate hounds with money.  They don’t HONESTLY care for the PEOPLE of the UNITED STATES.  All they see is the green of the money and the greed.

I’d LOVE to see all the politicians cut their salaries and TRY and LIVE on the salaries of what most of the PEOPLE in the UNITED STATES lives on, and I don’t mean those who live off the state with food stamps and the likes.  But those who are ACTUALLY WORKING.  They should also WALK in the shoes of those who are poor and living in the Poverty areas of the UNITED STATES and not worry about those across the world.  The PEOPLE of the UNITED STATES should come first, not politicians or the world, but the PEOPLE who live in the UNITED STATES, the CITIZENS of the UNITED STATES.

I’m not a fan of either candidate, especially of those who are ROBBING the CITIZENS and we ain’t talking about the CHURCH but the PEOPLE, also the CHURCH needs to STAY OUT OF POLITICS as well cause they are seriously FUCKING up the way the government is run and TRYING to push THEIR ways onto the PEOPLE instead of ALLOWING the PEOPLE to choose THEIR OWN WAY OF LIVING of going to church or not or if they marry man or woman.  WE ARE NOT PERFECT! If we were then this world and the PEOPLE would be nothing but ROBOTS and ANDROIDS.

Anyways, back to the candidates.  Each one of them do HAVE their flaws, but they don’t need to put those flaws on the PEOPLES shoulders, while just sitting back and letting the PEOPLE suffer.  We don’t need a candidate who want’s to put the country in more debt, and WE sure as hell don’t need a candidate that wants to harm things like Social Security, Planned Parenthood and more.  Things that have been around for DECADES.  All was good until the new age of Politicians got into office and started fucking up everything and spending more instead of WORKING to spend LESS.  Social Security would still be strong if the new age of politicians hadn’t got their grubby hands on the money when they went into office and decided to just spend spend spend, instead of THINKING how to keep it going and making the PEOPLE suffer all the more.

So yeah DO THEY REALLY CARE ABOUT THE PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES OR JUST THEMSELVES?  I say NO they do not really care for the PEOPLE but THEMSELVES and THEIR DEEP POCKETS.

 

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Ahh much cooler weather has finally come upon us here in Colorado, and I’m enjoying it immensely.

Fall has sprung here in Colorado, as the day temps start to hover in the 60s and 70s, with the night temps hovering in the 40s and 50s.

Snow is already falling in the mountains at 11,000 ft or more, the trees are changing, even AFTER the really droughty summer we had.  We are getting lots of rain right now and storms :).  The weather has turned for the better thank goodness.

El Nino has finally kicked his sister out of our state and sent her off some where else, where I don’t care, I much prefer El Nino over La Nina any day.

This year has been the worst or I should say this past summer, has been the worst in the history of Colorado with all the fires that had been happening.  It’s been really bad for me, cause this year alone, has been the worst for me.  I’ve had to use my inhaler a lot this year cause of all the smoke and pollution and pollen and such in the air.  That has thankfully been washed out of the air for now, but we still have to worry about the smoke coming in from Idaho with that big fire or big fires up in that state.  I hope the potato farmers have weathered this year well.  I can’t say that about the other farmers around.  Man it’s been drought weather ALL over the USA in the midwest to the west and so forth and so on.  Florida I think has been pretty wet this year, but I doubt that has really replenished the waters down there, especially in the Everglades, but who knows with how the weather has been so screwy this year.

Anyways, thank goodness for the much better weather climate we’ve got and I’m going to enjoy it while I can, before the winter snows start to show.  We hope we have enough snow this winter to replenish all if not most of the water we’ve lost this past summer, but until then, we’ve just got to wait and see.

I hope everyone is appreciating mother nature and the weather that is thrown at them right now, cause we know all to well how precious that rain and such can be.  Enjoy and Happy Fall to all! Well to those here in the Northern Hemisphere anyways, while I think it’s like winter or spring in the southern hemisphere.  I don’t remember which LOL. Enjoy it while you can! 🙂

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Well we now have 3 wildfire/forest fires going off over here in Colorado.  Two of those fires are MAJOR fires, while the third is minor, well I just found out there is a 4th fire burning around Durango, but it is only about 80 acres.

All these fires were caused by lightening strikes and the very hot and dry summer we are having.  We’ve not had any decent rain OR snow for the past year.  We are in drought situation all over Colorado, though the worse I think is in the eastern plains of the state, but still with all the evergreen trees that have been killed off by pine beetles, has just made this area worse for fires to spread, and the gusting winds don’t help it none.

We have friends in Colorado Springs, so far we’ve not heard them having to evacuate yet, but parts of Colorado Springs have been evacuated, at least some of the neighborhoods close to the burning fire have been, as well as the Air Force Academy.

Man we SERIOUSLY NEED RAIN not more lightening.  A few days or even a weeks worth of rain would help immensely in controlling all the fires that are raging around Colorado.  We are praying that we get more then what we have gotten so far and hope that the rain will help the firefighters that are fighting to get control of these raging wildfires.

Thankfully I’ve heard recently that the high park fire is about 66% or so contained now, then it was back about a month ago.  The one around Colorado Springs, I don’t remember, along with the others that are around, and apparently there is more then 4 wildfires going on, there could at least be 8 or so altogether.

This is going to be the worst fire season for Colorado, from what we are gathering, never before has this much been destroyed and burned by wildfires.  Man it’s going to be a rough year.  Lets hope and pray that come Winter, we get a shit ton of snow all over the place, to hopefully replenish some moisture into the surrounding mountains and cities, that are under the gun of Mother Nature, fire wise.

We need all the prayers we can get from everyone out there.  Help would be appreciated as well, but that will be up to your judgement and if you do decide to help, look on the red cross site and look on the 9 News site or any of the news sites around Colorado to see where you can send help.  My prayers are already going out to the firefighters and the families and home owners that have lost so much.  We’ve had a few fatalities in one fire so far this year, but thankfully NONE so far with these new fires that are burning, but lots of property loss is just as bad cause people are losing memories to the flames of Mother Nature.

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If anyone has been paying attention to the news and has been hearing about the big fire happening here in Colorado, well there is some good news and some bad news.

The bad news first: It has burned over 43,000+ acres of land and is still not contained, except maybe at 10% and many evacuations has been called for in the area of the fire, which is thankfully to the north of us and sadly around or near Fort Collins.

The good news is: The fire has spread into a beetle dead tree area where all the trees have been killed off by beetles, and will now be burned to the ground and hopefully gotten rid of and will start new life without the beetle infestation that is killing thousands if not millions of our trees off over here in Colorado and ruining the beauty of the surrounding lands, hills and mountains.

The fire will hopefully be contained in the near future, but I doubt it will be too soon, cause once it hits that dead trees that’s fresh kindling for fires to break out in.  It also don’t help none that we’ve had two very dry winters and have entered into drought area, which will hopefully change this winter and we start getting more rain and snow and the likes.  We seriously need rain right now not storms that can throw off lightening and start up more fires.

I pray that we get some relief cause the air quality is very bad with all that smoke in the air and it causes issues with people who have breathing problems, that’s why I’ve got the windows and doors shut and the air conditioning going instead of letting in fresh air, cause the air isn’t fresh with all the pollen and smoke out there and my allergies and asthma would not be happy with me at all.

We are suppose to be getting rain/storm chances today and tomorrow and I think Saturday.  I’ll have to relook at the weather to make sure, but it’s a VERY LOW chance.  “Knock on Wood” I say and hope that we do get rain and relief from the summer heat and temps of 90+ degrees.

 

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